


Whatever It Takes

by Smutmaker_heartbreaker



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gray!Rey, Slow Burn, Yin Yang - Freeform, slightly unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-05-12 15:59:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5671777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smutmaker_heartbreaker/pseuds/Smutmaker_heartbreaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Rey is taken by the First Order for the second time, she swears to do whatever it takes to escape—even if that means becoming Kylo Ren’s apprentice. </p><p>Becoming Rey’s master would have been a dream-come-true for Kylo Ren—but because of Snoke’s cruel terms, it feels more like a punishment. He can train her, but if he becomes attached to her, he'll be forced to kill her. </p><p>Within Rey, there’s a speck of darkness. Within Kylo Ren, there’s a glimmer of light. The attraction between them can only be denied for so long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Rey crossed her arms, her eyes fixed on the seemingly endless ocean in front of her. The harsh wind played with her hair. She knew what was about to happen—she wasn’t sure if it was thanks to her abilities with the Force or just plain intuition, but she could feel it in her guts all the same. She was about to lose her home again.

“You know why I’ve brought you here,” Master Luke said.

“I do.”

They stood side by side in silence on the mountain where she’d first found him. The grass was as green as ever—greener than anything she’d ever seen back on Jakku.

This place had become her home. On this island, she was never hungry, never thirsty, and never lonely. She loved it here. She loved waking up to the sound of waves crashing against the shore. It reminded her of the ocean she’d used to imagine on sleepless nights back in Jakku. Leaving this place was going to break her heart.

“There’s a reason why Jedi initiates are always taken in young,” Master Luke continued. “As we grow older, darkness tends to find a way into our hearts. Don’t blame yourself, Rey. I still believe you can find your path to the light. The darkness within you can still be purged. But, until then, I can’t teach you anything else. For now, your training has to be postponed.”

Her eyes blurred with tears. “I understand.”

She did, really. They’d both witnessed how anger and fear could fuel her connection with the Force in a way no Jedi’s feelings ever should. Just as there was light in her, there was also a speck of darkness. She knew how it worked—the more her powers grew, the stronger the darkness would get. That’s how it always went. Master Luke didn’t want another Anakin on his hands—or another Kylo Ren.

Master Luke had never said anything, but she knew her strange connection with the traitor bothered him. It bothered her, too. She still couldn’t explain what had happened between her and Kylo Ren. All she knew was she’d felt something familiar within his mind, something that pulled her toward him—and she knew he’d felt the same.

_Kylo Ren._ She scowled. The connection between them didn’t matter, and neither did the unexpected gentleness she’d sometimes seen in his dark eyes when he looked at her. It didn’t change who he was. He was still a coldblooded murderer.

“I’ve arranged for a ship to pick you up,” Master Luke said. “Go wherever you think is best. I know you’ll find the right path. When you do, I’ll be here waiting for you.”

_We’ll come back for you,_ a voice whispered in the back of her mind. The vague last memory of her family washed over her, and it still made her chest ache. She may be the one leaving this time, but she still felt like she was being abandoned all over again.

She took a deep breath, pushing back her emotions. So what if she was being left behind again? She’d always been perfectly fine on her own. She could survive anything. Jakku with its sandstorms, dehydration and vicious traders could have easily broken a young girl like her, but it hadn’t. She hadn’t let it. _Whatever it takes,_ she’d always thought. _I’ll do whatever it takes._ That’s how she’d survived all those years in that hellhole. That’s how she still kept on living.

She gave Master Luke a small smile. “I hope we’ll meet again one day.”

Master Luke smiled back. “I hope so too.”

Rey left him and his island without looking back.

* * *

 

Kylo Ren felt it the moment the girl landed on Jakku. He could always feel her in the back of his mind, but ever since their battle on Starkiller Base, she’d been too far away for him to pinpoint her location. Now, he knew exactly where she were. He only had to close his eyes to feel the disturbance she caused in the force, like a whirlwind of light and power, untamed and free. Want surged through him. If he took an airship, he could be by her side in mere hours. He could bring her in. Train her. Turn her. Let his darkness consume the brilliant light within her. He could . . .

But he wouldn’t. His weakness wouldn’t get the best of him. Not this time.  

He sat on the bed in his quarters and removed his helmet. The empty eye sockets of the mask stared back at him. The mask radiated power and ruthlessness—something his own face never had. Even after all these years, he still had to cover his face in metal to make his own people respect him. He was still weak. Too weak.

He ran his fingers through his hair, his thoughts returning to the one person who knew all about his weakness—the one who’d penetrated his mind and fished out his greatest fear in one powerful push. The one who’d humiliated him over and over, yet he still couldn’t bring himself to hate.

The girl. Completely untrained, yet one of the strongest Force-users he’d ever encountered. He didn’t even know her name, but he knew _her._ He’d seen her darkest secrets and her deepest fears. He’d seen her loneliness—a loneliness he recognized all too well.

She was lonely, right now. He could feel it. He shouldn’t have been able to do so, but he did. The want grew stronger within him. A part of him wanted nothing more than to drown in her light, while another part—a more rational part—realized that doing so would destroy him.

The Force tore at him, pulling his essence back and forth between the light and the dark. No matter what he did, no matter how dark he became, that little speck of light within him never seemed to die out. As long as there was light, he would remain in this state of turmoil. He had to walk the dark path, or he’d never be free.

He had to forget about the girl. Though the thought of making her his apprentice and watch the darkness within her grow into full power was frighteningly tempting, he knew he had to stay away from her. Supreme Leader Snoke had been right—his compassion for her made him weak.

The girl could stay in the Jakku hellhole with the other desert rats, where her seemingly limitless Force abilities would do no harm. He could control his cravings.

_The girl means nothing to me,_ he thought, not for the first time and most likely not the last. He still wasn’t sure if he truly believed it.


	2. Chapter 2

The hologram of Supreme Leader Snoke leaned back in his throne. “Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren. Do you know why I’ve called you here?”

His voice echoed against the stone walls of the empty assembly chamber. Ren stared up at him through the eyes of his mask, trying his best to shield his thoughts. “No, Supreme Leader.”

He didn’t know for sure, but he could guess. Three weeks had passed since he’d felt the girl’s presence on Jakku. He’d hid it from his former master for as long as he could, but he’d known Snoke would find out about it sooner or later. He’d just hoped he’d have more time.

“I think you do.” Snoke peered down on him with something that almost looked like amusement in his eyes. “There have been sightings of a girl wielding a lightsaber in the deserts of Jakku. I think we both know who this girl is. I want you to bring her to me.”

Ren swallowed hard. “May I ask why? The plans to find Luke Skywalker have been put on hold. The girl is of no use to us anymore.”

The temperature in the room suddenly dropped several degrees. The air around Snoke seemed to almost tremble with his anger. Ren felt the Force circulate around his body, the threat of violence hanging over him like a smothering cloak. Supreme Leader Snoke did not appreciate being questioned.

“You’ve finished your training. I believe it’s time for you to take on an apprentice.” Snoke’s voice was calm and even, but Ren wasn’t fooled. His old master was furious with him. “This girl is strong with the Force, and she fluctuates between the Light and the Dark, just like you did. Her potential is limitless.” His lips twist in a poor imitation of a smile. “Turn her over to the dark side. Create a warrior worthy of fighting side by side with the Knights of Ren.”

“Of course.” Ren frowned beneath his mask. He’d wanted to make the girl his apprentice from the first time he saw her, but Snoke had always disapproved of the idea. Snoke was the one who’d told Ren that his compassion for the girl made him weak. The Supreme Leader had been right, of course—so why the change of mind? 

Snoke’s smile turned even more sinister. “You feel for this girl. You try to hide it, but it’s obvious nonetheless. If you allow it to continue, it will weaken you. You will train this girl, and you will sever your emotional ties with her. This should be easy for a fully trained Knight of Ren like you.”

“Of course.”

It wouldn’t be easy, and they both knew it. This was a trial—a challenge to see whether or not Ren was as dedicated to the dark side as he was supposed to be. As a master of his own, Ren had thought he was finally free from Snoke’s little games. He’d obviously been wrong.

“A weak Master of the Knights of Ren is simply unacceptable. If you fail this task, I would have to take action.” Amusement flashed in his eyes. “Perhaps killing your father wasn’t enough. Perhaps you need to kill this girl as well.”

For a moment, Ren stopped breathing. He knew he had to feign indifference, but the sudden surge of fear in him was too strong to repress. As he tried to gather his bearings, Snoke chuckled softly.

“I believe we’re done here. You’re dismissed.”

Ren bowed and turned around to leave. Before he reached the door, he felt something reach out for him through the Force. He tried to shield himself, but Snoke’s power pushed through his defenses as if they were nothing but paper walls.

Then, there was only pain.

Ren sank to his knees, cradling his head in his hands. The pressure in his mind took over his senses, drowning out all his thoughts. It was like every single particle in his body had exploded into a million aching pieces. Pain. There was only pain.

_Do not ever try to keep vital information from me again,_ Snoke’s smooth voice whispered. _You won’t like the result._

The pain ended as quickly as it had begun. Ren took a deep, shuddering breath. _This isn’t a trial,_ he realized. _This is a punishment._ That’s what it had been about the entire time. Snoke wanted him to struggle, and then, he wanted him to fail.

But he wouldn’t fail. He could control himself. All he had to do was train the girl. If he trained her, treating her as an apprentice and nothing more, they would both live. He would prove to Snoke that he was strong enough to keep his emotions in check.

He stood up on shaking legs and left the assembly chamber. This time, Snoke didn’t stop him.

* * *

When the ship landed on the sandy plains of Jakku, the girl still hadn’t made an escape. Ren didn’t know what to think. If he felt her this strongly, she had be able to feel him too. She had to know he was coming. Why wasn’t she hiding? Did she think she could take on both him and a ship full of Stormtroopers all by herself?

Even if she’d run away, she would have been found again eventually—but at least it would have bought them both some time. If he found her now, he was going to have to bring her in. There was no getting around that.

He reached out with the Force and almost groaned in frustration. The girl was waiting right outside the ship. Was she suicidal?

He followed the connection between them and easily slid into her mind. If she had put up any kind of mental shields to keep him out, they were too weak for him to even notice them. She was stronger now than the last time he saw her, but she still had many, many things to learn.

No matter how much he tried to deny it, a part of him wanted to be the one to teach her all those things.

_There’s still time,_ he told her through the bond. _You can still run away._

You _run away,_ came the snarky reply.   _This is my home. I’m not going anywhere._ Then, almost as an afterthought, she added, _And get the hell out of my head._

_If you want to keep people out, you should learn how to shield. Your mind was an open invitation._

She gave him the mental version of an insulted huff and kicked him out. There was no other way to describe it—she simply kicked him out. Her shields arose behind him, like a door slammed shut in his face. He shook his head, his lips forming a faint smile. She knew how to use a shield, after all. 

 “She will be taken alive,” he told the Stormtroopers. “No unnecessary injuries. Supreme Leader Snoke wants her training to start immediately.”

“Yes, sir,” the soldiers replied in chorus.

Ren frowned. The Stormtroopers were loyal, but they were raised as thoughtless killers. He trusted them in battle, but trusting them to keep an angry little scavenger girl alive was a completely different thing. 

The ship’s hatch slowly opened. The Stormtroopers marched out into the hot desert sun. Ren followed behind them, his eyes scanning the area as he left the ship. They’d landed close to Unkar Plutt’s waterhole, where the desert rats used to trade their findings for measly amounts of food. Some of the scavengers had left the relative safety of Niima Outpost to give the newcomers—or the ship, most likely—a closer look. Ren wrinkled his nose. They had to know they would die long before they ever put their hands on a First Order ship, but some of them still seemed desperate enough to try. It was pathetic.

Then, he finally found her. She pushed through the crowd and came to a stop right before the Stormtroopers. Sun-kissed skin, slender body, messy brown hair—she looked just like he remembered her. Her hazel eyes were as relentless as ever as they met his.

“I want you off this planet,” she said. “Jakku is under my protection.”

Her eyes never left Ren’s as she pulled out her lightsaber. Only it wasn’t a lightsaber—it was a saberstaff. The double-bladed weapon was blue in color, and with smooth edges and an even stream of light. It was nothing like the rugged blade he carried himself.

“How did a simple scavenger girl get her hands on a saberstaff?” he asked.

She jutted out her chin. “This scavenger girl made it herself.”

He sniffed. “Impossible.”

“Not if you have the right teacher.”

It took a moment before it sunk in. Creating lightsabers was an old Jedi tradition. There was only one known Jedi left in the galaxy.

“You met _him,_ ” he said. “You met Luke Skywalker.”

Trained with him too, it seemed. When he’d first fought her in the woods of Starkiller Base, she’d barely known how to use a lightsaber. Now, she held her saberstaff with confidence, as if it was an extension of her own body. The girl before him wasn’t just a simple Force-sensitive scavenger—she was a person well on her way of becoming a Jedi.

“I thought you knew.” She tilted her head to the side, her brow furrowing in confusing. “Isn’t that why you’re here? To get information about him?”

“We can talk about it on the ship.”

She scowled at him. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

He raised his eyebrows. She was miserably outnumbered by trained soldiers, yet she still seemed to think she was in control of the situation. It amused him.

“We’ll see.”

She raised her saberstaff higher. “Leave.”

Ren pulled his own lightsaber from his belt. “I don’t think you understand the situation.” He gave the Stormtroopers a short nod, and in perfect unison, they all aimed their blaster rifles at her.  “Come with me, and no one has to get hurt.”

The girl didn’t even flinch. “I’ve seen what you do to the villages you leave behind. This one is under my protection. I’m not leaving.”

There was an obvious challenge in her eyes. _Come on, Kylo Ren,_ she said through the bond. _I’ll enjoy defeating you again._

Adrenaline rushed through him. His muscles tensed, longing for a battle. He had to test her skills sooner or later anyway—why not here?

“Stand down,” he told the Stormtroopers as he slowly walked towards her. He swung his lightsaber in the form of an eight, warming up his wrist. She smirked at him, her posture full of confidence. He almost pitied her. She had no idea what she was in for. The last time they’d fought, he’d been badly injured, and he’d felt like the Force was tearing him apart. She’d defeated him then, but it wouldn’t happen again.

She attacked first. Her saberstaff clashed with his lightsaber, sending sparks of blue and red through the air. She twirled around and attacked again, aiming for his abdomen. His blade found hers and pushed her away.

He let her continue the onslaught, parrying every blow. She was faster than he’d expected, and she was impressively strong for her size.

She took a step back and then lunged for him. He prepared to block her, but at the last minute, she changed the direction of her blow. His dodge was textbook perfect, but her blade still managed to scratch his shoulder. Her precognition skills were good—probably even better than his.

The smell of burnt leather rose from the wound. Pain washed over him, spurring on the adrenaline that was already pumping through his veins.

“Take me seriously, or you’ll regret it,” she growled.

A smile tugged at his lips behind the mask. “As you wish.”

The fight was no longer about simply disarming her and knocking her out, as he’d first planned. She was too good for something like that to work. If he wanted to take her with him, he would have to fight her for real. He would have to _win._

Instead of just blocking her next attack, he dodged her staff and swung his saber. She stopped the blade mere inches from her thigh. He attacked again and again, forcing her to move backwards. His saber left shallow wounds on her skin, but it still wasn’t enough to make her slow down.

“Why go so far for these junk rats?” he asked her, dodging an attack that would have cut off his head. “They would not have done the same for you.”

“They’re my _people._ You wouldn’t understand.”

They came to a standstill, their blades crossed as they pushed against each other. He stared into her eyes. They were still as defiant as ever. Her wounds had to be hurting, but her face revealed nothing but strength and pure stubbornness. A strange feeling bloomed within him, a sensation that almost felt like pride. He _wanted_ to train this girl. As her master, he could turn her into the most fearsome creature in the galaxy. Together, they would be absolutely unstoppable.

Her head tilted slightly to the side. A twitch of her lips was the only warning he received before she suddenly pulled back her staff, leaving her torso completely open. His saber continued forward, heading straight for her heart. He had less than a millisecond to decide whether to kill her or to abruptly interrupt his movement. Judging by the smug look in the girl’s eyes, she’d already figured out what choice he’d make.

At the last moment, he threw himself to the side to stop his momentum. As he tried to regain his balance, he saw the girl’s staff come rushing toward his neck. He tried to move, but it was too late. She’d gotten him, and there was nothing he could do.

Before her staff reached its destination, a shot went off in the distance. The girl jerked back, dropping her weapon on the ground. With a soft gasp, she sank to her knees, cradling a smoking wound in her abdomen. Blood stained her tunic with red.

Someone had shot her. Someone had _shot_ her. His apprentice. _His._

Anger exploded in him. He turned around to face the Stormtroopers.

“Who did that?” He laced his voice with the power of the Force and let it wash over the soldiers.

A single Stormtrooper stepped forward. “She was aiming for your neck, my lord. I thought—”

He never got the chance to finish. Ren used the Force to grab him by the throat, pulling him up until his feet no longer touched the ground. The Stormtrooper made a strangled noise.

“No one touches that girl but me,” Ren said through gritted teeth before hitting the soldier with a wave of concentrated power. The white figure hit the sand several dozens of yards away. Ren took a step toward him, fully prepared to tear the despicable creature apart limb by limb, but then heard a soft whimper from behind his back.

He turned around. The girl had managed to get up on all four and was trying to stand up, pressing a hand against her wound. The fabric of her tunic was soaked in blood, and her skin was turning pale.

“Don’t move,” he told her. “You’ll only make it worse.”

She ignored him. She put her weight on her feet and got about an inch from the ground before her legs buckled. A grunt of pain escaped her as her body crashed back into the sand.

“Enough.”

She flinched as he approached her, but she didn’t try to get up again. Her body didn’t seem to be obeying her anymore. He carefully gathered her into his arms and picked her up. She sucked in a sharp breath, and he felt her pain through the bond. He reached for her mind with the Force in an attempt to make her pass out, but she stubbornly blocked him out.

He shook his head and started walking towards the ship. “Now you’re shielding.”

“Get . . . your hands . . . off me.”

“No.”

She glared up at him, anger flashing in her hazel eyes. “You . . . you _will_ let me down.”

Her voice packed quite a punch, but her lack of focus was obvious. Ren felt the Force reach for him, but he could easily ignore her compulsion.

“The answer is still no.”

He recognized some of the curses she threw at him, but most of them sounded like complete nonsense. She squirmed against him, but her overwhelming strength from before was gone. Without it, she was just a girl—a rather small one, too, who fit surprisingly well in his arms.

Her anger slowly gave way for a different emotion. He recognized it all too well. A part of him enjoyed it—and another part of him despised him for doing so.

“Don’t be afraid,” he murmured, but it didn’t change the way she felt. He wasn’t even sure she could hear him.

As he carried her inside the ship and toward the medical room, she finally slipped into painless unconsciousness. Her eyes closed, and her head fell against his shoulder. The frown on her face faded away, smoothing the wrinkle between her eyebrows. She looked young and innocent—frighteningly so. Did he really have it in him to ruin someone like this?

_Not ruin,_ he corrected himself. _Improve._

Ren put her down on a metal gurney and cleaned her injuries. He had to call upon the light within him to heal the wound on her stomach. The shot had burned its way deep into her abdomen, scorching skin and tissue in its way. Anger rushed through him again. The girl was hurt because of him. He may not have been the one holding the gun, but it was his fault nonetheless. She was his apprentice, now. Keeping her safe was his responsibility.

A master was supposed to protect his apprentice. The reason he was angry now was because he’d failed to do so. It was a perfectly natural response, and it had nothing to do with compassion. Nothing at all.

The girl whined in her sleep. Instinctively, he gently stroked her hair, sending calming emotions through their bond.

_It’s not compassion,_ he tried to convince himself. _I’m not that weak._

Somehow, he got the feeling that overcoming this trial wasn’t going to be as easy as he’d thought it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren is having some emotional malfunctioning. Poor guy. Anyway, thank you for the comments and the kudos! I hope you like this chapter too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lighter chapter, where Rey shows Ren that having an unwilling apprentice is not as easy as he'd thought it would be.

When Rey awoke, she was lying on her back on an uncomfortably soft bed. She held her breath for a moment, waiting for the pain in her stomach to kick in, but it never came. Weird. The last time she’d checked, she’d had a fist-sized hole in her abdomen. She gingerly moved her fingertips over the place she’d been shot. The skin beneath her tunic was tender, but it was whole. Someone had healed it.

She sat up and opened her eyes. The room was small and frugally furnished. There were no colors as far as the eye could see—the person who’d designed the room seemed to be really into black and dark shades of gray. On the other side of the room stood a second bed, identical to the one she was sitting on.

The room didn’t give her the impression of a prison cell, but what else could it be? The last thing she remembered before passing out was the damn Kylo Ren carrying her into his ship. She was without a doubt a First Order prisoner again—so why wasn’t she restrained? 

Weird. This was all very, very weird. What did Kylo Ren want with her? He hadn’t even known about her training with Master Luke. Why had it been so important for him to take her alive? During their battle, he’d been holding back the entire time—which was the only reason she was still breathing. She’d underestimated him. If he ever decided to go all-in on her, she wouldn’t stand a chance. It scared her.

She got up on her feet and carefully approached the only door in the room. It was automatic, but she couldn’t find any controls to open it with. She gave it a halfhearted kick. Solid metal. Brute force was not going to get it open; that was clear. It was too heavy to move with the Force, too. Her saberstaff might have been able to make some damage on it, but her beloved weapon was nowhere to be seen.

“Damn it,” she muttered. Now what?

She searched the room for anything that could be of use. To her surprise, she came to the conclusion that someone probably lived in there. There were worn-out books about the Force in a bookshelf on the wall, and she found clothes—all black, of course—in the closet.

There was a chest near the foot of the other bed. She opened it, glanced inside, and then quickly closed it again. No, she was not going to deal with the fact that there was a misshaped human skull in there. That was simply too weird.

As she stepped away from the chest, she heard the door open. She twirled around, her hand instinctively searching for her nonexistent saberstaff. When the newcomer walked into the room, she unwillingly took a step back. She’d never fully realized how big Kylo Ren was before.

He peered down at her through the eyes of his mask. “You’re awake.”

She didn’t say anything. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She needed a weapon, _anything._

Kylo Ren reached up and removed his helmet. She gasped when she saw his face. A deep scar ran from his forehead over his nose and down his cheek. She’d caused that, when she’d left him in the snow on Starkiller Base to die. Was that what this was about? Revenge?

Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side. “You’re still afraid of me.”

She couldn’t deny it, so she decided to change the topic. “Where am I?”

“You’re on a First Order ship.”

“Why?” She swallowed hard. “Why am I here?”

“You’re here to reach your full potential.” He took a step toward her, and she took a step back. “You’re strong, but you’re still unexperienced. Under my training, you will receive more power than Skywalker could ever give you.”

Rey’s back hit the wall. The intensity in Kylo Ren’s dark eyes made her shudder.

“I’m not going to train with you,” she spat.

He leaned forward, his large frame crowding her against the wall. His lips twitched in cold amusement. “I don’t recall giving you a choice.”

Rey punched him in the face.

Kylo Ren staggered backwards. Her action seemed to have shocked him as much as it had shocked her. She’d known from the moment the oversized jerk stepped into the room that she couldn’t possibly win a fistfight against him, but her instincts had gotten the best of her. Oh, well. It was too late to take it back, now.

She twirled around and kicked him in the side. It was like trying to kick a mountain. She tried to jab him in the jaw, but he blocked her with ease. Without the edge of surprise, the fight was clearly not going to end in her favor. She threw herself past him, rolled on the floor and jumped back up on her feet. Before she’d reached the door, she felt someone grab her from behind. She hit the wall chest first, with one hand pinned above her head and the other trapped behind her back.

“That was uncalled for,” Kylo Ren murmured. His grip around her wrists tightened. “Don’t make me regret leaving you unrestrained.”

His broad chest was pressed against her back. She could feel his hot breath against the skin on her neck. He was close. Way too close. Her heart was racing. His proximity seemed to drown out all her thoughts.

She turned around. Kylo Ren released her wrists and placed his hands on either side of her head, caging her in. Their eyes met. Rey quickly realized that the change of position hadn’t improved the situation at all. His eyes, dark and intense, seemed to see right through her.

“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered. “I won’t hurt you.”

The raw honesty in his voice frightened her more than his anger ever had. She didn’t want him to be gentle with her. He was a coldblooded murderer. Hating him would be a lot easier if he would just act like one. 

His mouth twitched. “If I let you go, will you behave?”

The smugness in his voice made her want to punch him again. It obviously wouldn’t do her any good, but it had to be better than _this._

She took a deep breath. She still had one more ace up her sleeve, and it was time to use it.

“ _You_ will _unlock the door and let me out of here_.” She let the Force wash over him as she hit him hard with her compulsion.

Kylo Ren flinched, but he didn’t move away from her. He raised his eyebrows.

“Who taught you that?”

She glared at him, jutting her chin out. “No one. I figured it out myself.”

He shook his head, and this time, he actually smiled. “You’re doing it wrong. All willpower and no finesse. It’s like you’re trying to light a candle with a flamethrower.” He slowly backed away from her, never breaking eye contact. “I can teach you how it’s supposed to be done.”

She crossed her arms. “I don’t want you to teach me anything.”

“Are you sure about that? The only way you’re getting out of here is by defeating me. To do so, you need more training. I’d jump at the offer, if I were you.” He grabbed his helmet from where he’d dropped it on the floor and pulled it over his head. “Let’s go. The Supreme Leader wants to speak with you.”

With a flick of his hand, a hatch in the wall swung open. He removed his glove and placed his hand against a sensor. The door swished open.

She bolted for it. It didn’t matter that he was expecting it—she still had to try. She got through the doorway and into the corridor outside before her body froze in the middle of a step. Heavy steps circled her. She struggled against the invisible grip on her body, but it wouldn’t budge. A gloved hand grabbed her hair and tugged her head back, forcing her to stare up at Kylo Ren’s masked face.

“Behave.”

His voice was strained. It pleased her to know that even if he still had the ability to freeze her like this, he had to make an effort to do so.

He released her body, but his hand remained in her hair. “Don’t provoke the Supreme Leader,” he said, his voice no louder than a whisper. “I can’t protect you in there.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I can handle myself.”

“Against most people, yes. That man is not most people.” He let go of her hair and placed his hand on the small of her back instead. “Come on.”

If she hadn’t known better, she would have said he sounded worried.

They walked through the seemingly endless corridor. Their steps echoed against the bare walls. Similar to the room she’d woken up in, the corridor’s main colors were black and gray. Color clearly wasn’t the ship designer’s thing.

A group of Stormtroopers walked past them. _Finn was one of them, once,_ she thought. Finn had been training with them since childhood, but he’d still turned out good. What if there were others like him on this ship? Would they help her escape?  

“You’re wasting your time,” Kylo Ren said. “Your friend was defective. One of a kind. No one on this ship would ever do what he did.”

“Stop reading my thoughts,” she growled.

“Start shielding them, and I might.”

She quickly raised her mental shields. Master Luke had shown her how to do it, but she’d never figured out how to keep them up at all time. The moment she stopped thinking about them, they always came crashing down again.

“I could show you how,” Kylo Ren continued.

“I don’t want you to.”

He sighed. “Stubborn creature, aren’t you?”

They finally came to a stop. A door opened before them, revealing a large, cave-like chamber. She wrinkled her nose. Her instincts screamed at her not to enter the room. There was something _wrong_ in there.

The hand on her back pushed her forward, forcing her into the room. The strange atmosphere hung over her, almost smothering with its thickness. She glanced up at Kylo Ren. If the chamber affected him as well, he didn’t show it.

In the middle of the room stood a gigantic throne of stone, and in it sat a gigantic man. He had to be over twenty feet tall. His gaunt body was covered by a long, black cloak. A deep scar ran down his bald head and over his forehead, making his face look asymmetrical and _weird._ He was clearly the cause of the awful aura, and Rey really, _really_ didn’t want to get any closer.

The hand on her back disagreed. She had to fight the urge to dig her heels in as Kylo Ren led her to the base of the throne. This giant frightened her, and she hated it.

“Supreme Leader Snoke,” Kylo Ren said. “This is the girl you asked for.”

Snoke peered down on her, scrutinizing her like she was an interesting insect of some sort. “Oh, yes. I feel her power. She is strong.”

“She’s been trained by Luke Skywalker. I believe her potential nearly limitless.”

“Is that so.” Snoke tilted his head to the side. “Who are you, little girl? What’s your name?”

“I’m no one.” She glared up at him. “My name is none of your business.”

Kylo Ren cringed. No, that hadn’t been the wisest choice of action, but this man _scared_ her. If there was something she’d learned on Jakku, it was that when someone scared you, you sure as hell didn’t show it to them.

The air crackled with power. Suddenly, her head exploded with pain. She sank to her knees with a loud gasp.

“Your name does not matter to me, little girl,” Snoke’s voice boomed. “Neither does your existence. However, I do believe someone else here values your wellbeing. Is that not so, Kylo Ren?”

The pain grew even stronger. She whimpered and fell to her side on the floor, her body trembling. Snoke wasn’t even looking at her—he was too busy observing Kylo Ren.

“She’s my apprentice.” Kylo Ren clenched his fists. “That’s as far as my feelings for her go.”

  _Just breathe,_ his voice whispered in her head. _It will be over soon. Just breathe._

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

The pain finally ended. She got up on all fours, her eyes blurring with tears. Her body wouldn’t stop shaking.

“In that case, I believe we’re done here.” Snoke’s voice sounded pleased and a bit amused. “Train her well, Kylo Ren. I expect a lot from you.”

A gloved hand grabbed her arm and pulled her up on her feet. When her knees threatened to buckle under her weigh, Kylo Ren wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her up. This close, she could easily sense his mood without even trying. His fury was overwhelming. It wasn’t aimed at her, though—it was aimed at Snoke.

He led her out of the chamber. When the door closed behind them, he retracted his arm. She slumped against a wall, fighting to stay upright. Kylo Ren opened a nearby door and entered an empty room that looked like some kind of office. Then, he pulled his lightsaber, and all hell broke loose.

She watched as he destroyed everything that could be destroyed in the small room. Broken pieces of furniture flew through the air and crashed on the corridor floor. In the distance, she could see a group of Stormtroopers walk toward them. When they noticed what was going on in the office, they all turned around and walked back the way they came.

Rey just stood there, surrounded by debris, unsure how to act. She tentatively reached out with the Force, taking a peek inside his head.

Fury. Fury and pain. It was like his insides were being ripped into pieces. She felt it all—the light, the dark, the Force desperately trying to find a balance but tearing him apart instead. In the middle of it, she found one, single thought: _I let him hurt her._

Her mind tried to recoil from the madness, but the pain clung to her, vibrating within her as if it were her own. Her breathing quickened. She was being torn apart. _They_ were being torn apart. The pain had to stop—she’d go crazy if the pain didn’t stop.

She stepped into the trashed office. “Please, stop.”

Kylo Ren froze. He still emitted an overwhelming aura of fury, but he didn’t move a muscle.

She carefully placed a hand on his shoulder. “Please. Your pain, I . . . I feel it, too.”

He took a deep, shuddering breath, and some of the madness poured out of him. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but her touch did something to him. The strange connection they shared seemed to stabilize some of the chaos in him. She moved closer and leaned her forehead against his broad back.

 _It’s okay,_ she told him through the bond. _I’m unharmed. You need to calm down, now._

 _I know,_ he replied. Then, softly, he added, _Thank you._

The whirl of emotions finally faded away. Rey took a big step back, a little disgusted with herself. Using the bond to comfort Kylo Ren had felt like the most natural thing in the world. _He’s a murderer,_ she reminded herself. _He doesn’t deserve comforting._

Kylo Ren straightened up, shaking off the outburst as if it had never happened. “Let’s go back to our room.”

“ _Our_ room?” she exclaimed. “We’re sharing a room? _Your_ room?”

“It wasn’t my idea—trust me on that.”

She paused for a moment. “Why do you have a human skull in your room?”

“It belonged to my grandfather.”

She stared blankly at him. “You have your dead grandfather’s skull in a chest in your room.”

“It’s not as strange as you make it out to be.”

She rolled her eyes. “No, of course not. Nothing strange about that at all.”

When they reached his room, Kylo Ren took off his helmet and his cloak. Beneath it, he was wearing black pants and a tight tank top, showing off broad, muscular shoulders. Not that Rey was looking, of course.

He sat down on his bed. “Get some sleep. Your training starts tomorrow morning.”

And then the bastard lied down and fell asleep.

At first, she thought he was faking it, but by reaching out through their bond she could confirm that he was, in fact, asleep. He didn’t seem to be the slightest bit worried about how she might feel tempted to use this situation to bash his brains in—which had to mean he was pretty damn certain she wouldn’t succeed even if she tried. What about an escape attempt, then? Was he expecting that, too?

She waited about an hour before quietly heading over to the hatch in the wall. By using the Force, she made it swing open and reveal the glass panel beneath it. She didn’t have Kylo Ren’s handprint, but there had to be some way to get around that.  

She tore the glass panel away from the wall as quietly as possible. Beneath it, she found a jumble of cables in different colors. She’d seen cable systems like this one before. If she disconnected the cable supplying the sensor with energy, there was a small chance the door would open. She picked out a thick, blue cable and pulled.

A bright light flashed. She dropped the cable right in time to avoid getting electrocuted. The room crackled with electricity, and a heavy cloud of smoke rose from the cable. Then, there was water falling from the ceiling. Lots and lots of water.

She turned around to face Kylo Ren. He was sitting up now, obviously awake, staring at her in awe. A Force field covered him and his bed, keeping the water from the sprinklers away.

“What the hell did you _do?_ ”

She didn’t know what to say. “It was an accident.”

“An accident?”

“I accidentally broke the door.”

He gave her a blank look. “Right.”

She was waiting for him to break out in yet another anger outburst, but she couldn’t sense any fury in him.

His lips twitched, and he let out something that almost sounded like a laugh. “I think you just ‘accidentally’ awoke around two hundred Stormtroopers.” He paused. “And you look like a drowned rat.”

She felt like one, too. The sprinklers finally turned off, but the damage was already done. She wrapped her arms around her torso, shivering from the cold.

Kylo Ren grabbed his cloak from a hanger on the wall and tossed it at her. “Go change. I don’t have time for you to catch a cold.”

She scowled at him, but didn’t try to argue. After closing the bathroom door behind her, she removed her soaked clothes and put on the black cloak. It was way too big for her, but it was warm.

She caught a look of herself in the bathroom mirror and flinched. In the cloak, she looked more like a Knight of Ren than a Jedi.

The truth was finally sinking in. If she wanted to get out of here, she was going to have to defeat Kylo Ren. To do so, she would need training. _His_ training.

 _Whatever it takes,_ she thought. _I’ll do whatever it takes to get out of here._

She stumbled on the cloak’s hem when she left the bathroom. Kylo Ren almost managed to cover his laugh with a cough. Almost.

“Screw you,” she muttered before lying down on the floor next to her bed. The bed was too soft for her anyway, and now it was just as soaked as her clothes. It wasn’t likely that she’d find any sleep here—she had trouble sleeping even on the best of days—but she had to try. If she was going to start her new training tomorrow, she needed to get some rest.

She glanced over at Kylo Ren’s corner of the room. “Does this mean I’m your Padawan now?”

He snorted. “You’re my punishment.”

She blinked. Okay, then.

“But you’re also my apprentice, yes,” he continued. “Have you come to accept your situation?”

“For now.” She frowned. “But I’m not calling you ‘master’. That’s just never going to happen.”

He huffed in amusement. “Ren is fine.”

“Okay.” She hesitated for a moment. “I’m Rey.”

“Rey?”

“It’s my name. Rey.”

“I see.”

She could feel his excitement through the bond, as if she’d just given him a gift. In a way, she probably had.

“I have to ask you something,” she said. “Before I start training with you, there’s just one thing I need to know.”

“What?”

She took a deep breath. “Why did you kill your father?”

They both remained silent for a long time. When Rey was starting to think that Ren would never answer her, he finally opened his mouth.

“The Supreme Leader told me it would make the pain go away,” he said in a low voice.

“Did it work?”

“No.”

His anger and regret spread through the bond, and beneath it, she felt the pain. She could easily remember what it felt like to be hit by that pain at full force. It wasn’t something you could just forget. The pain had been tearing her apart , and she’d been willing to do almost anything to make it stop.

She would never forget what Kylo Ren had done, and she would never forgive him either—but right there and then, she couldn’t quite bring herself to hate him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments. You guys really know how to make a simple fic writer smile. If you want to talk to me about reylo or anything, please visit my tumblr: reylohno.tumblr.com .


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4, where Kylo Ren is in some major denial about his connection with his new apprentice. (I hope you all like Force bonds.)

”Imagine a fortress,” Ren said. “The fortress surrounds your mind. It shields you. Can you see it?”

Rey nodded. She was sitting on the floor with her eyes closed, her brow furrowing in concentration. Since her own clothes were still wet, he’d convinced her to borrow some of his. The dark fabric of his coat pooled behind her like a trail when she walked, and the sleeves reached far beyond her fingertips. It should have looked ridiculous, but for some reason, it didn’t. He liked seeing her in black.

“Even when you’re not thinking about it, the fortress is still there,” he continued. “As long as you know with absolute certainty that your fortress is still standing, your shields won’t fall. Do you understand?”

When she looked up at him, there was no hatred in her eyes. Her face lit up in childish wonder. “I think so.”

For a moment, the world stood still. Her light washed over him, bringing out emotions he thought he’d locked away for good. Somehow, it seemed to take the edge of the pain that always raged within him. It frightened him. She was just a scavenger girl, a Force-sensitive who’d barely even begun her training. How could she have this much power over him?

“Stop doing that,” he growled, turning away from her.

He heard her get up on her feet and approach him. “I’m not doing anything.”

“Yes, you are. You did the same thing yesterday.” He twirled around and grabbed her wrist, pulling her closer. “You approached me during one of my . . . episodes. You put yourself in danger to get close to me. Why?”

“I felt your pain. I wanted it to stop.” She lowered her eyes. “Besides, I never really felt like I was in danger.”

Ren caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilted her head back, forcing her to look at him. He stared her down, showing her all his madness and barely-restrained violence through his eyes.

“I could kill you in a heartbeat.”

She stared back at him. “You could, but you won’t.”

His eyes widened as he realized she was right. Even during his fit of anger, he’d recognized her as someone who was to be protected, not injured. Even then, he’d recognized her as _his._

A major part of him was repulsed by the mere thought of hurting her, and she knew it.

A nauseating realization struck him. He may be crowding her with his body, and her wrist may be trapped in his hand, but he still wasn’t the one controlling the situation. She was.

He tore his hands off her as if he’d been burnt. The master was supposed to control the apprentice. Not the other way around. If Supreme Leader Snoke ever found out about their malfunctioning power dynamics, he would doubtlessly consider it a failure on Ren’s side—and Ren knew all too well what the punishment for that failure would be.

He stared at her. She seemed to fully believe she hadn’t been in danger during his outburst, but he wasn’t so sure. This time, he’d recognized her, but what about the next? When the blur of pain and fury took over him, he was no longer in control of himself. He couldn’t even count all the times the haze had cleared and left him surrounded by dead bodies. The next time, one of those bodies could be Rey’s.

The thought bothered him more than it should have.

“I don’t want you to put yourself in danger,” he told her. “The next time something like that happens, you’ll stay away from me.”

Her eyes flashed with defiance. “You don’t get to tell me what to do.”

Of course she’d say that. Nothing was ever that simple with this girl. He clenched his fists. The need to fight her, to force her into submission, burned within him, but he repressed it. Trying to force his will on her wouldn’t do him any good. She would defy him every step of the way until one of them ended up dead. To win this battle between them, he would have to be patient.

Sadly, “patient” wasn’t how people usually described Kylo Ren.

“Your over-confidence will be the death of you,” he muttered under his breath.

“That sounds exactly like something Master Luke would say.” She paused. “He’d probably phrase it more politely, though.”

It didn’t surprise him. People rarely described him as “polite”, either.

“He’s not your master anymore.” He grabbed his helmet from the chest near his bed and pulled it over his head. “We’re sparring in the training unit today. Let’s go.”

She followed him through the door, the long coat trailing behind her. “Why do you hide your face behind that mask all the time?”

“For protection,” he lied. “Unlike certain others, I care about my well-being.”

A wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows. “Why would you need protection on a First Order ship? They’re your people.”

Her incomprehension was genuine. She truly didn’t understand why people of the First Order would want to harm him.

Her reaction amazed him. How was it possible for a girl who’d grown up in a hellhole like Jakku to still be this pure? How could she still have this much faith in others?

She tilted her head to the side, curiously awaiting his answer. He swallowed hard. He may have dressed her in black, but it had done nothing to dim the light within her. Her brightness was still blinding.

“They’re not my people,” he finally said.

She blinked. “Then who are?”

“Enough with the questions.”

They entered the training unit; a spacious, unfurnished room with a carpet floor. When he’d made sure the room was empty, he removed his helmet again and shrugged off his coat. He picked out two training sabers from a cabinet on the wall and handed one to Rey.

“I want you to attack me like you did when you gave me this scar,” he said, pointing at his face. “You were using your full potential back then. I want to see you do it again.”

She dumped her coat on the floor and turned on her training saber. The red light from the blade lit up her face. She wrinkled her nose.

“Can I use my staff instead? Sabers aren’t really my thing.”

“They will be.” He turned on his own saber and raised it. “A skilled warrior can make do with any kind of weapon. If you ever want to surpass me, you need to know how to use a lightsaber.”

She placed herself in a position that reminded him of the Niman stance, but not quite. It probably suited her in saberstaff fights, but in this scenario, it she would have done better with a simple Shii-Cho form. Not that she would have any idea about any of that. Skywalker had never been much for explaining the details of his teachings, and “follow your instincts” could only take you so far.

Tentatively, he reached out for her mind. Her shields were still intact. Apparently, his teachings had already helped her become a stronger Force-user. The pride that bloomed in his chest was unexpected, but not unwelcomed. He was her master. There was nothing wrong with him taking pride in her accomplishments.

“Go on,” he said. “Attack me.”

She did. Their sabers clashed as she tried to get a hit in. He dodged and parried, keeping her at a safe distance. Her precognition skills made her a dangerous opponent, but her strikes were awkward and overly controlled.

“Use your emotions,” he said. “Passion, anger, fear—you can use it all.”

She twirled around and swung her saber, aiming for his shoulder. He blocked her again.

“Master Luke said you weren’t supposed to do that,” she replied, slightly out of breath. “There is no emotion, there is peace.”

“If you follow the Jedi Code, you’ll never be powerful enough to defeat me.” He stepped forward, pushing her back as he went on the offensive. “You’ll never leave this ship. Is that what you want?”

His words ignited a spark of anger within her. Her eyes burned as she blocked his attacks, performing moves she never would have pulled off mere minutes ago. Excitement surged through him. She still hadn’t reached the level of power she’d had on Starkiller Base, but she was getting there. Pain had always been his main source of strength. Anger seemed to be hers.

“You hate me,” he said, going at her at full force. “You watched me kill the only father figure you’ve ever had. I nearly killed your traitor friend. I kidnapped you—twice.” He took a deep breath. “I’m standing right here before you, but you still can’t get your revenge because _you’re not strong enough._ ”

She exploded. There was no other way to describe it. Her power seemed to have increased tenfold as she went to attack. Hatred glowed in her eyes, and her entire being radiated anger. She was like a supernova, blinding and burning and beautiful.

Her saber slipped past his blade and grazed his cheek. He hissed in pained. The sabers may be of the training variety, but the cuts still burned. He took a step back. Rey was relentless in her attacks, and he had to focus completely on his defense to keep her at bay. She may be untrained, but with this kind of power, she would most likely have been able to defeat a Knight of Ren.

With this kind of power, she could even defeat _him_ if he wasn’t careful.

It was time to put a stop to their battle before someone got hurt. He managed to get his blade under hers and twist it, sending the saber flying through the room. It smashed into a wall and broke into a million pieces.

“Now,” he said. “Let’s talk about—”

Rey made a sound in the back of her throat and lunged for him. Her anger and hatred was still burning hot within her. She crashed into him and they fell to the floor. He managed to get a grip on one of her wrists and rolled on top of her, pinning her to the floor. She tried to punch him in the face but he grabbed that hand too, nailing it to the mat above her head.

“Enough.”

She struggled beneath him, tiny and furious, still radiating that insane amount of power. It was like he was holding the volatile energy of a sun in his bare hands. Her body with its slender curves was molded against his. Heat pooled in the pit of his belly, and his breath quickened. His eyes fell to her lips. Just holding her wasn’t enough. He needed to taste her. Feel her. _Have_ her.

The anger in her eyes gave way for confusion, and then turned into alarm. “Ren. You’re not shielding.”

His shields slammed shut in the blink of an eye. He rolled off her, blood rushing to his face. For a moment, he wished he could simply sink through the floor and disappear. He’d felt something for her, something he definitely wasn’t supposed to feel, and he’d shown it to her. It was unacceptable.

“What _was_ that?” she asked, her voice filled with awe.

He turned around, desperately searching his mind for some kind of excuse—and found her staring at her own hands. She wasn’t speaking about the peek she’d gotten into his head. She was speaking about their fight.

“You used your emotions to fuel your connection with the Force.” His lips twitched. “The result was quite impressive.”

“But it’s wrong.” She furrowed her brow. “Why . . . why doesn’t it _feel_ wrong?”

That’s when he knew he had her. She’d had a taste of it now; the overwhelming power that lay at her feet, just waiting for her to access it. She would fight it—of that he had no doubt—but sooner or later, the pull would be too strong for her to deny it. The darkness would claim her, just as it had claimed him.

He wasn’t sure why the thought of that saddened him a little.

“Let’s try again,” he said. “This time, I want you to take control of the anger instead of letting it control you.”

* * *

 

They spent the whole day in the training unit, and the day after that. As night fell on the second day, Ren could tell there was something wrong with Rey. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her skin was pale. Her movements had lost their former grace, and her attacks were sluggish at best.

“Focus,” he told her for what had to be the hundredth time when she once again missed a simple block. She hissed in pain as his training saber grazed her shoulder.

“I’m trying,” she snapped.

“Tell me what’s going on.”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” He easily twisted her saber out of her grip with a flick of his blade. “You can do better than this. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I haven’t slept in two days, okay?” she snapped. “Would it kill you to _ask_ for things instead of handing out orders all the time?”

He paused. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I’m on an unfamiliar ship, surrounded by enemies, sharing a room with a man who kidnapped me. Why do you think I’m not sleeping?”

Oh. He should have known. He’d seen how the loneliness ate at her at night; how her fears used to keep her awake back on Jakku. Of course she wouldn’t be able to sleep here.

He raised his hand, taking a step toward her. “You need to sleep. You’re no good to me until you’ve gotten some rest.”

She grabbed his hand with both of hers, holding it in an almost panicked grip. “Don’t knock me out. I _hate_ when you do that.” She glanced up at him. “ _Please._ ”

He should have ignored her wishes and given her the sleep she so badly needed. It would have been so easy, and it would have been for her own good. So why couldn’t he bring himself to do it?

“Please”. She’d said “please”.

He sighed. “We’re going back to our room. You need to sleep.”

She followed him through the long corridor without saying a word. When they reached the room, he crossed his arms and stared at her until she lay down on the floor next to her bed. He had no idea why she refused to lay on the bed, but he suspected she simply wasn’t used to soft things. She pulled her knees up to her chest and tugged his coat over her body as a cover.

“This is unnecessary,” she muttered. “We could have kept training. It’s not like I’m going to fall asleep in here anyway.”

Ren lay down on his side in his own bed. He reached out with the Force, tugging on their connection. Her shields were up, but he could still sense the general direction of her thoughts and emotions were going. Being locked up for this long on a ship without feeling the sun on her skin was making her antsy. She was a child of nature, used to feeling the wind in her hair and the earth beneath her feet. The ship was like a metal cage to her.

Almost on instinct, he imagined an ocean. He imagined the smell of salt and the sound of waves crashing against sharp cliffs. He imagined the calming energy of the island in her dreams and let the projection run through the bond.

Rey opened her eyes and stared at him in surprise. Her body tensed up, and then slowly relaxed.

“Thank you,” she murmured before closing her eyes again.

He waited a couple of minutes before reaching out for her again. She was calmer now, but she still wasn’t sleeping.

“If you don’t fall asleep right now, I will knock you out.”

She snorted. “You think threatening me is going to help me calm down?”

No, probably not, but he didn’t really know what else to do. Scaring people, he was good at. Calming them down again? Not so much.  

Rey muttered something inaudible under her breath and got up on her feet. She walked over to his bed, dragging his coat behind her, and then lay down again on the floor.

“If you ever tell anyone about this, I’ll kill you,” she muttered before settling down, pulling the coat over her body. A wave of calmness spread through the bond. Ren blinked. The feeling of tranquility didn’t come from him, this time—it came from her.

If being near him brought her this much peace, he obviously wasn’t the only one affected by their strange connection.

“Don’t look into it,” she said. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

But it did. He wasn’t sure what, but it did mean something.

It didn’t take long before Rey’s breaths became slow and even, and the stubborn wrinkle between her eyebrows disappeared. Curled up right next to his bed, she’d finally fallen asleep. He reached out and softly stroked her hair. He wasn’t sure why he did it, but it felt right.

He couldn’t get over the fact that his proximity had helped calming her down. She’d said it herself; he was a monster and a murderer—yet she still trusted him enough to fall asleep right next to him. For some reason, this girl wasn’t afraid of him. It should have bothered him, but it didn’t.

The Supreme Leader’s words echoed in his mind. _You feel for this girl. If you allow it to continue, it will weaken you._ His speech had seemed like the truth at the time, but now Ren wasn’t so sure. He was more stable when she was around. More in control. She was nearly driving him crazy with her stubbornness, but at the same time, she seemed to still some of the turmoil inside him. Was that truly such a bad thing?

* * *

 

When Ren woke up the next morning, his shoulders were stiff and aching. The ever-present pain within him was at a surprisingly low level, and he felt somewhat distanced from the Light’s and the Dark’s eternal tug-of-war with his soul.

He slowly opened his eyes. His arm was still hanging over the side of the bed, and his hand was grasped by two smaller hands. Rey would never have done something like that in her waking state, so she had to have done it in her sleep. Now, she lay curled up around his arm, clutching his hand in hers.

He stared down at their linked hands in shock. He should have awakened the moment someone touched him, but he obviously hadn’t. She’d slipped right through his defenses, and she’d managed to do it in her sleep. It shouldn’t have been possible, but she’d done it nonetheless.

As he looked and their joined hands, he got the feeling that what he shared with Rey—whatever that may be—was already way past the point of no return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff before the storm. Here comes the darker stuff. 
> 
> A big thanks to those of you who've left comments. It really means a lot to me. Thanks for all the kudos, too. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as well.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5, where Ren is exposed to some unexpected stress and doesn't handle it very well. (Oh yes, down to reylo hell we go.) 
> 
> Warning: Faint dub-con vibes.

“Why can’t you use both sides of the Force?” Rey asked as they walked toward the training unit. “The light side has certain strengths, but so does the dark side. Why can’t you use both?”

“It simply doesn’t work that way,” Ren replied. “When the dark side gets its claws in you, you will never stop longing for more. All or nothing. Either you stick to the light side only, or you’ll one day lose yourself completely to the dark side.” _Just like me,_ he silently added.

“There’s still light in you.” She said it without a trace of doubt in her voice, as if she’d seen into the deepest corners of his soul. It wouldn’t surprise him if she had. They’d been training together for weeks now, and the connection between them was only growing stronger. He’d like to think his shields were strong enough to keep her out, but he wasn’t a fool. Judging by how easily he could sense her thoughts and emotions, it seemed like their bond had already grown stronger than their mental shields.

“The dark side of the Force isn’t inherently evil,” she continued. “Why can’t a Force-user be good _and_ powerful?”

“’Good’ is a point of view. I don’t believe the Sith of the old days ever considered themselves evil.”

“But they _were_ evil.”

“In your point of view.”

“And yours.”

He paused. She said it as if she was stating a fact—as if she knew exactly what was going on inside his head. If he’d ever had any kind of control over her, it was rapidly slipping out of his grip.

“Some of them, maybe.”

“And yet you still try to be like them.” She shook her head. “You really are full of contradictions.”

“Says the Jedi girl who wants to learn how to use Force lightning.”

Rey let out an insulted huff and scowled at him, but she didn’t say anything. They both knew he was right.

They walked through the corridors in silence. No one on the ship batted an eye at Ren having a girl following him around anymore. Everyone knew about him and his young apprentice. Wherever he went, she followed right in his footsteps, like a comforting shadow behind his back. People saw them as a unit; “Kylo Ren and The Girl”, as if they were two parts of a whole. There was something strangely empowering about that.

When they walked past the door to the assembly chamber, they were stopped by a masked man dressed in black. His name was Jorg, a Knight of Ren.

“The Supreme Leader wants to see you. In private.”

Ren glanced at Rey.

She shrugged. “I’ll wait outside.”

Ren frowned behind his mask. It wasn’t the first time he left her unattended for a short while, but he still didn’t like it.

_If you try to escape, you know I’ll find you,_ he told her through the bond. _Don’t do anything stupid._

_I won’t._ Her eyes glimmered with amusement. _For now._

His mind brushed against hers. She seemed to be telling the truth, but he could never be sure with her. He had a bad feeling about this.

“This won’t take long,” he said as he entered the assembly chamber, leaving Rey and the Knight of Ren behind him.

The chamber vibrated with power. Ren never seemed to get used to the raw sensation of _wrongness_ radiating from his former master. Somehow, he got the feeling that Supreme Leader Snoke didn’t fully belong in this world.

“Kylo Ren,” the Supreme Leader greeted. “It’s been a long time since we last had a chat.”

Snoke leaned forward in his throne, peering down at Ren. There were no emotions in his eyes—there never were. He was about as easy to read as a rock. Ren had no idea why Snoke had called for him, but it most certainly wasn’t good. It never was.

“I apologize.” Ren lowered his head. “My apprentice’ training has taken up all my time.”

“Ah, yes. The girl.” A small smile played on the hologram’s lips. “Tell me, Kylo Ren—have you ever heard of a Force bond?”

Ren nodded. “In the old days, people used to believe in Force bonds; links through which two Force-sensitives could influence each other. They thought the bond allowed the communication of feelings, thoughts and images across distances and granted greater coordination in battle.” He swallowed hard, feeling unexpectedly uneasy. “It’s nothing but a myth.”

“I can assure you that it is not a myth,” Snoke said. “I have seen it before, and now, I am seeing it again. I’ve been watching you, Kylo Ren. I’ve sensed the connection between you and the girl. You may not have realized it yet, but what you two share is without a doubt a Force bond.”

The blood froze in Ren’s veins. “She’s nothing but an apprentice.”

The chamber trembled with rage.

“Do not lie to me.” Snoke’s voice echoed against the walls. “I feel her essence in you. You may not have come to accept it yet, but it doesn’t change the truth. You and the girl are bonded. You affect her, and she affects you.” 

Ren’s heart began to race. He’d failed his trial. He’d become attached to Rey, and Snoke knew it.

Snoke was going to make him kill her.

The thought made him want to throw up. _No._ The image of Rey with the blade of a red lightsaber piercing her chest flashed before his eyes. His breathing quickened. _No!_

“I don’t wish her dead,” Snoke said, interrupting his thoughts. “Not yet. She has a peculiar effect on you, and I want to explore it. Your bond may be of use to us.”

Relief washed over Ren. Rey was safe for now.

Then, he felt her through the bond. Something was happening on the other side of the door. Adrenaline rushed through her, and he felt her fear and anger as clearly as if it had been his own. He knew this particular mix of emotions all too well. Rey was preparing for a fight.

_Rey,_ he thought to her. _Whatever you’re thinking of doing; don’t._

_I can handle this,_ she thought back.

“Supreme Leader, may I be excused?” Ren asked Snoke. “I have something I need to take care of.”

“No, you may not.” Snoke tilted his head to the side. “I can see you’re already feeling it. Very impressive.”

Ren’s heart sank. A test. This was another damn test.

_Rey. You need to run. Now._

No answer.

_Rey?_

Seconds passed. At first, he thought she’d gotten away from whatever trouble she was in, but then he felt her pain. Something—or someone, more likely—was hurting her. Fury surged through him. He took a step towards the door, pulling out his lightsaber in one smooth movement.

“If you leave this chamber, I’ll have her killed.”

Ren froze. Rey’s pain and fear increased in strength. His body trembled. The haze was already clogging his mind, urging him to go to her and kill everything in his path. Someone was hurting his apprentice. His _Rey._ He had to destroy them. He had to destroy _something._

But he couldn’t. He could barely remember why anymore, but he knew he couldn’t move. If he gave in, he would lose her. Losing her was not an option.

“Impressive,” he heard Snoke’s voice say from far away. “This is the first time I’ve seen you take an order in this state. The girl triggers your anger yet helps you remain in control, and your power . . . impressive. I believe this bond of yours will be of use after all.”

Pearls of sweat trickled down Ren’s temples. Rey was still angry and afraid. She was fighting someone—who, he had no idea—and judging by increasing pain, she wasn’t winning. The haze in his mind grew thicker. Resisting the need to run to her side took all the willpower he could summon.

“Even the strongest of fighters need a good leash,” Snoke said, leaning back in his throne. “I must say this is an unexpected turn of events, but a welcomed one. I think you may be ready for your next mission sooner than I’d anticipated. You’re dismissed.”

He ran.

* * *

 

The door closed behind Ren, leaving Rey and the Knight of Ren alone in the corridor.

If she took a run for it, how far would she get? For a moment, she actually considered it—but then, she pushed the thought away. Running away was just a temporary solution. She would never be free of Kylo Ren until the day she defeated him.

Then there was the part of her that didn’t really want to be free of him. There was something about him that made her relax. With him nearby, she got full nights of uninterrupted sleep. He wasn’t the most talkative of roommates, but then again, neither was she. As the weeks went by, she’d found that she didn’t actually hate his company.

_A traitor and a murderer,_ she reminded herself. The words rang hollow. It was still the truth, but she knew that there was more to it than that, now. She’d felt his pain, and she’d seen the power Snoke could wield. Nothing could ever excuse the things Ren had done, but Snoke’s manipulation at least explained them. Ren may be a perpetrator, but he was also a victim.

A sudden change of mood in the corridor pulled her out of her thoughts. She traced the disturbance back to the knight. She eyed him from head to toe. He was a little on the short side and his helmet had a different shape, but otherwise, he looked almost exactly like Ren.

“Ren’s little Jedi pet,” he spat. “A Resistance rat, soiling our ship.”

She ignored him. That was usually the best way to deal with bullies.

The knight stepped closer. “Not so tough without your master, are you?”

She remained silent. There was still a chance he’d leave her alone if she just ignored him. A rapidly diminishing chance, but still.

“Nothing personal,” he said, coming to a stop a couple of feet away from her. “It’s just that rats are vermin, and vermin need to be extinguished.”

He pulled out a staff from a sheath on his back, its tip crackling with electricity. Rey took a step back. _Shit._ Just ignoring him wasn’t going to cut it this time. If she wanted to get out of this without getting electrocuted in the process, she was going to have to fight.

_Rey,_ Ren’s voice whispered from the back of her mind. _Whatever you’re thinking of doing; don’t._

_I can handle this,_ she thought back. At least she hoped she could. Not for the first time, she longed for the days she carried a saberstaff on her back. Going weaponless against a guy like this was probably not the best of ideas.

_Rey. You need to run. Now._

Where, exactly, did he think she could run? If she turned her back to this man, she would be dead in a heartbeat. She’d seen it happen on Jakku more times than she cared to remember. Right now, he was the predator and she was the prey. Running would only reinstate their roles.

She’d never been much for running in this kind of situations, anyway. She preferred becoming the predator instead.

The anger was easy to summon, now that she’d gotten the hang of it. _I’m stuck on an enemy ship, and a man with the mental maturity of a five-year-old seems to think he can just slaughter me like cattle._ She grabbed on to the fury and let it fuel her power.

_Rey?_

Before the knight could swing his electrostaff toward her, she lunged for his arm. They crashed on the floor with her on top of him, her hands latching on to his wrist. She slammed his hand down on the floor, once, twice, thrice, until his fingers lost their grip on the weapon. The staff rolled away from them. She reached for it, but before she could close her hands around it, her body left the ground. The knight used the Force to send her flying through the corridor.

Her short flight came to a stop as she crashed through a window. The broken glass left deep cuts on her skin, drawing blood in more places than she could count. She hit the ground and rolled, forcing herself back up on her feet.

Her head spun. She took a step, and almost ended up back on the floor again. This was bad. Some of the cuts were deeper than she’d thought, and the pain only got worse when she forced her battered body to move.

Through the bond, she could feel Ren’s fury. She did not look forward to explaining this little incidence to him.

She looked around. The room she’d crashed into seemed to be the same office Ren had wrecked before. Someone had cleaned out all the debris and refurnished the room with new desks and chairs. No weapons. This was really, really bad.

The door burst open, and the Knight of Ren entered the room. The electrostaff was back in his hands.

“You’ll regret that, Jedi scum,” he hissed, slowly approaching her.

Rey used concentrated on the pain from her wounds and let it fill her with power. She grabbed a chair with the Force and threw it at the knight. He easily deflected it with his staff.

“Stop resisting and I’ll make it quick.”

She threw a desk at him. “You’re a lousy liar.”

Their fight went on. She threw everything she could find at him as he tried to get closer to her. The distance between them remained steady until Rey eventually ran out of things to throw.

The knight backed her into a corner. “Game’s over, little rat.” Even with the mask covering his face, she could tell he was smiling. “I’ll enjoy this.”

Her back hit the wall. She swallowed hard, her breathing quickening with fear. The blood trickling from her wounds stained the floor beneath her. Her legs trembled from the pain and the blood loss. She was weak. Disgustingly weak.

But she didn’t have to be. She could be stronger. Stronger than this pitiful excuse of a knight—stronger than Kylo Ren, even. The strength was hidden deep inside her, just waiting for her to use it. All she had to do was reach for it.

As the knight raised his staff for one final swing, she held up her hands. The power rushed through her, filling her up with bubbling energy, taking over every single cell in her body. When she felt like she was about to explode from it, the power found its way to her fingertips.

The Force lightning poured out of her and into the knight’s chest. His knees buckled, sending his shaking body to the floor. She held on for as long as she could before releasing the power. The backlash made her stumble backward. She slumped against the wall, staring at the unconscious Knight of Ren on the floor. His body still shuddered from the electricity, but he was breathing steadily. The faint cloud of smoke rising from his chest made her feel like throwing up.  

The room suddenly trembled with power. She looked up and found Kylo Ren standing in the doorway, lighting up the room with his lightsaber. The fury radiating from him was more intense than anything she’d ever felt before.

“Your knight friend attacked me,” she said, wiping some blood off her face. “Don’t worry. I dealt with it.”

Ren didn’t say anything. He walked up to the unconscious man, raised his saber and unceremoniously cut off the knight’s head.

“Oh. Okay.” Rey swallowed hard. “That was a bit of an overreaction, don’t you think?”

He turned his full focus on her, examining her from head to toe. His silence terrified her more than any of his threats ever had. She tried to reach for his mind, but recoiled as soon as she came in contact with his madness. He was too far gone for her to calm him down, this time. She couldn’t even reach him.

He grabbed her and pulled her out of the room. She tried to struggle, but his hand was like a manacle around her wrist.  

“Ren. What are you doing? Say something.”

Ren dragged her all the way back to their room without saying a word. He ripped off his helmet and let it fall to the floor.

“Take off your clothes.”

She took a step back. “What? No.”

He moved closer, crowding her with his broad frame. His eyes burned with madness and barely-restrained violence. He was more like an animal than a man, and she feared that even the slightest motion would trigger an attack. He was a being of pure power; a wolf staring down his prey. There was no control in him. None whatsoever.

“ _Now_.”

Sometimes, you had to pick your fights. Rey decided that this was not a fight she wanted to pick. She carefully removed her clothes, keeping a wary eye on Ren. When she was left in nothing but her underwear and a thin tank top, she sat on her bed.

“Happy now?” she muttered, shivering a little from the cold.   

Ren knelt before her, staring at her from head to toe again. A new emotion flashed in his eyes—hunger. Rey’s heart began to race. For the first time in several weeks, she actually feared him. She tried to move away from him, but he grabbed her leg and pulled her closer.

“Ren, what are you—”

Without warning, she felt his power spike, and then his lips were on her knee. She gasped in pain as he kissed one of her deeper cuts. A tingling sensation spread through her skin. Almost in shock, she watched as the wound closed itself under his lips.

“You’re a healer,” she breathed. “I knew there was still Light in you. I . . .”

She gasped again as his lips moved higher up her thigh, searching out a new cut. The tingling sensation returned. Their eyes met, and a completely different kind of tingling spread within her. The heat in his gaze and the softness of his lips ignited something in her—an urge to run her fingers through his hair, a need to pull him even closer, a tempting image of his lips moving even higher up her thigh . . .

“You don’t have to do this,” she quickly said before things could get even more out of control. “I’m a decent healer. I can—”

Ren nipped her thigh. Hard. “Hush.”

Rey shut her mouth. She burrowed her nails in the mattress, forcing herself not to move. One part of her still feared him, while another part wanted him more than she could ever remember wanting another person.

Ren methodically healed every single cut on her body. His hand formed a vice-like grip on her thigh, as if he thought she’d bolt if he didn’t hold her down. He was probably right. When he reached the cuts on her throat, he entangled his free hand in her hair and tugged her head back. She closed her eyes, holding her breath.

He hesitated. She felt his warm breath on her skin as his lips ghosted over her neck. Her heart was pounding in her chest, loud enough to drown out all her thoughts. When his lips finally connected with her skin, she had to hold back a moan.

The tingling sensation died down, and Ren lifted his head. His eyes roamed over her face before falling to her lips. The fingers in her hair tightened their grip. Judging by the stinging pain in her lower lip, there was still one cut left to heal.

Before she could object, his lips crashed into hers. Her heart skipped a beat. His hand tugged at her hair and she gasped in surprise, allowing him to deepen the kiss. She grabbed his coat—to push him away or to pull him closer, she wasn’t sure—and just held on. No kiss she’d ever experienced before could compare to this. His lips were forceful yet gentle, furious yet affectionate, dominating yet tentative—full of contradictions, just like himself.  

He nipped her lip before pulling back, his dark eyes staring deep into hers. “The next time I tell you to run, you _run._ ”

He released her and left the room without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, no, this is not the healthiest of relationships, but it's really fun to write. Thanks for all your kudos and comments! 
> 
> The final scene was inspired by this piece of art (http://littlechmura.tumblr.com/post/136983922788/licking-wounds-i-think-this-pairing-works-best), created by the very talented Little Chmura. 
> 
> http://reylohno.tumblr.com/


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6, where Rey and Ren make some important decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait! I'm currently on a full-time nursing internship at the hospital, and I've been spending most of my time in an OR lately. Oh, well. Better late than never, right?

Rey stared at the closed door, trying to get her breathing back under control. She’d seen Kylo Ren lose control before, but never quite like that. He’d scared her, but he’d triggered something completely different in her, too.

What was happening to her? He’d _kissed_ her. She should have despised him for it. She should have felt disgusted. Violated. So why didn’t she?

She tentatively touched her lip. His bite still stung a little, but the cut from before was healed. He’d mended every single cut on her body without leaving even a scar. He had to be the most efficient Force healer she’d ever encountered—even more so than Master Luke.

Even during his fit of madness, his objective had never been to hurt her. Those rough kisses may have been some kind of twisted punishment for her decision to ignore his order, but they’d also been an excuse for him to touch her. She’d felt it through the bond—when his insanity reached that state, he seemed to completely forget how to shield. During the whole healing session, she’d been able to feel his need to touch her. He seemed to think of her as someone he was supposed to protect, and he’d had to make sure she was okay.  

Rey shook her head and sighed. She didn’t need his protection. She’d defeated the Knight of Ren all on her own, and she would have been able to heal her wounds by herself just fine. When Ren returned, they were going to have to have a talk about the strange little savior-complex he had going on.

Or she could just run away.

The thought should have struck her way sooner. She was unguarded, and judging by the raging madness radiating from Ren’s side of the bond, he was still too far gone to notice her going missing. This was the moment she’d been waiting for. This was the perfect time to make a run for it.

She had to do it. There was no doubt about it. She just wished the thought of it didn’t make her feel so guilty.

Just like the first night she’d spent on the ship, she walked up to the hatch in the wall. This time, she took much greater care as she disabled the power to the hand-print lock. After disconnecting some of the surrounding cables, she grabbed the power cable and tugged it out of its socket. She held her breath, staring at the sprinkler above her, and sighed in relief when nothing happened. It seemed like there would be no untimely showers this time.

When she approached the doors, they parted before her with a soft swoosh. She carefully sneaked into the corridor outside. After the weeks she’d spent on the ship, she’d at least gotten an idea of where the hangar was supposed to be. If she could just get herself into some kind of one-man ship, she’d be out of here in a heartbeat.

After pulling the hood of her coat over her head, she walked through the corridor with as much confidence she could muster. Several times, she was passed by crew members and people dressed in First Order uniforms. No one even gave her a second glance. Dressed in black, she looked like a Knight of Ren. She was somewhat shorter than the average knight, yes, but still similar enough to make people avert their eyes.

She’d almost reached the hangar when she walked past two Stormtroopers. The first one glanced at her and looked away, but the second one stopped and stared.

“You.” He took a step towards her. His friend grabbed his arm and tried to pull him in the other direction, but he wouldn’t budge. “You’re _her._ ”

This caught the first Stormtroopers attention. The white-clad soldier gave her a closer look. “You’re the girl. Kylo Ren’s . . . er . . .”

“ _Associate_ ,” the second Stormtrooper filled in, most likely to stop his friend from revealing what they usually referred to her as. “You’re his associate, aren’t you?”

She held her head up high. “That’s right.”

If she had to, she would use Jedi mind tricks to get out of this. She’d done it to a Stormtrooper once before, and she hadn’t even been trained back then. She should be able to take them both if she had to.

Her fists clenched, and her heart began to race. If they raised their weapons, she only had milliseconds to react. She had to be prepared for anything.

“You have to help us out,” Stormtrooper number two said. “It’s Kylo Ren. He’s doing, you know, _his thing,_ and it’s pretty bad. He’s destroying the engine room in Sector B. Please, do something.”  

She blinked. Okay, no, she hadn’t been prepared for that.

“We’re talking weeks of reparations if no one stops him,” he continued, speaking faster. “We’ve all heard the rumors. You approached him during one of his fits and lived to tell about it. This is the second fit he’s had since you came here—two fits in two months. He used to have at least three a week. I don’t know what you do to him, and quite frankly, I don’t care. Just do your thing, or Captain Phasma will kick our asses again for letting him run amok like this.”

“I’ll . . . I’ll see what I can do.”

The Stormtroopers nodded at her, clearly relieved, and then walked away. She shook her head. Poor guys. They’d put their trust in the completely wrong person. She had to get to the hangar.

As she walked, she thought about what the Stormtrooper had said. She’d come to understand that her presence calmed Ren, just like being near him calmed her, but she hadn’t quite understood just how big the effect was on him. If what the Stormtroopers said was true, she both decreased the frequency of his fits _and_ happened to be the only person on the ship with the ability to get him out of them.

How did he ever get by without her?

How would he get by if she left?

She walked past the door leading to Sector B. The bond was stronger here, and she could feel Ren’s pain and anguish as if the sensations were her own. This fit really was a bad one. She had no idea how he could stand the pain—but then again, he probably couldn’t. If he could handle it, he wouldn’t be acting out like this.

Her connection with him screamed at her to go to him. If she were at his side, she could ease his pain. She could . . .

 _No._ She shook her head, interrupting her own thoughts. Kylo Ren was a murderer and a monster, and he’d kidnapped her— _twice._ He’d kept her prisoner for almost two months, and he’d _kissed_ her. She didn’t owe him anything. She was going to get to the hangar, and then she was going to leave this rotten ship far behind her.

_And go where?_

She thought of Master Luke and his beautiful island. Her promise to purge the darkness from her soul was far from fulfilled. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to fulfill it anymore. The Dark was a piece of her, just like the Light. A part of her had already accepted the fact that she would never be pure enough to become a Jedi. If she returned to Ahch-To in her current state, she would not be welcomed.

She thought of Jakku, and the people she’d once thought of as her people. They’d used her, but back then, she hadn’t really minded it. She’d rather been used than lonely. Now, she wasn’t lonely anymore, and she never wanted to set foot on that hellhole of a planet ever again.

She thought of Ren, whose pain was only growing stronger. She felt it resonate in her bones, burning deep into the very core of her being. She was being torn apart. _He_ was being torn apart. If her pain was this intense, she didn’t even want to think about how bad it had to be on Ren’s end. This was the pain that had caused him to become a murderer. This was what had brought him into Snoke’s manipulative hands.

And, for some unexplainable reason, this pain was something only she could help him with.

No, she didn’t owe him anything, but he needed her. The man who’d helped her grow stronger, who’d given her countless nights of peaceful sleep, who’d answered all her stupid questions about the Force and had often accidentally made her laugh in the process—that man needed her right now.

She looked at the corridor in front of her, and then at the Sector B door.

 _I’m going to regret this,_ she thought, and made a decision.

* * *

 

Ren wasn’t sure how he ended up in the engine room. He didn’t care. His lightsaber flew across a control table, cutting it in half. The satisfaction lasted less than a heartbeat. The pain slammed into him again, nearly making him lose his breath. It hurt. Everything hurt. He had to destroy something. Anything.

The rage surged through him. He wished he hadn’t cut off Jorg’s head. The knight had deserved a slower, more painful death.

 _Failure,_ a voice whispered in the back of his mind. _Failure, failure, failure._

He’d failed Rey when he left her unattended in the corridor, and then he’d failed her again when he’d treated her afterwards. He’d been scared out of his wits, and he’d taken it out on her.

The memories were painfully clear. The softness of her skin, the addictive taste of her lips, the look of terror in her eyes as he held her down . . .

He growled as he sliced up some kind of generator. He’d scared her. He’d lost control and he’d scared her. Once, he would have enjoyed seeing her look at him like that, but things had changed. She wasn’t supposed to fear him. She was the one person in the galaxy who was supposed to feel safe around him. He wasn’t sure why. He didn’t care why. She just wasn’t supposed to fear him.

He slashed through a bundle of thick cables. She’d begun to trust him, and he’d ruined it. No more genuine smiles. No more bubbling laughter. No more watching her fall asleep on the floor right next to his bed. His lack of control had destroyed everything.

“There you are.”

He spun around, raising his lightsaber, and then froze.

The doors closed behind Rey as she entered the engine room. “It’s time to calm down, Ren. You’re scaring the Stormtroopers.”

“What are you doing here?” he breathed.

“I felt your pain.” She took a step towards him, and then another one. “I wanted it to stop.”

He stared at her in awe. This wasn’t possible. She was supposed to be locked up in his room. How could she be here?

He took a step back, pointing his saber at her. “Get away from me.”

The Force crackled around him. The need to touch her washed over him, and he could feel his self-control faltering. She could not be in here with him. She wasn’t safe here.

“Really? That’s the response I get?” She came to a stop with her neck mere inches from his crimson blade. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m halfway through a pretty decent escape plan. I could have been on a TIE fighter right now, but I went to find you instead.” She raised her eyebrows. “You know what? I think I’ve changed my mind. You go on with your temper tantrum and I’ll go find myself a nice ship.”

She turned around, showing him her back. His control snapped. Before he even realized what he was doing, he’d wrapped his arms around her and burrowed his nose in the crook of her neck. She placed her hands on his forearms—not to push him away, but to pull him closer.

“See?” she murmured. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

He took a deep breath, inhaling her scent. The rage faded away, and so did most of the pain. As always, being near her seemed to stabilize some of the chaos in him. She made him feel . . . _whole._

He sank to the floor, pulling her down with him. She settled down in the space between his legs, leaning back against him. It amazed him how she seemed to just _fit_ in his arms. Holding her like this felt like the most natural thing in the world. He was calm. She was calm. The pain was dull and unimportant. His mind slowly cleared from the haze.

They sat there in silence for a while. Ren couldn’t bring himself to let her go, but she didn’t seem to mind it. The bond they shared was strange and hard to explain, but it was without a doubt real. Being near her brought him peace, and he could tell she felt the same way.

If this was what having a Force bond felt like, then maybe being bonded wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

“You really made a mess of this room, didn’t you?” Rey finally said.

His lips twitched. “I did.”

“And I may have accidentally broken the door to your room again. And then there’s that office. It’s the second time we mess it up.” She let out a small laugh. “We’re a walking catastrophe to this poor ship. They should call us the Duo of Destruction.”

He snorted.

“Or the Trashtastic Twosome,” she continued. “The Smashing Squad. The Carnage Club. The—”

“Please stop.” He managed to make his voice sound tormented, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “Did you really break my door again?”

“I told you. I was escaping. It was going pretty well, actually.”

His grip around her shoulders tightened. “What stopped you? Why did you come here?”

She shrugged. “You were in pain. I know I’m the only one who can help you with that, so I decided to stay for a while.”

Rey had stayed for him. She’d felt his pain, and she’d chosen him over her own escape. Ren didn’t even know what to do with a realization like that. The First Order had an “every man for himself” kind of policy, and Ren was well aware of what most of the people around him thought of him. They feared him and hated him, and none of them would ever have done what Rey had just done for him.

“Don’t try to leave again,” he whispered in her ear. “Please.”

She hesitated. “I’m staying for now. You still have things to teach me. After I’ve surpassed you, I’m out of here.”

He didn’t like hearing that at all, but thankfully, her words rung hollow. He waited in silence.

“I _am_ leaving,” she repeated, even more unconvincing this time. “I just . . . I don’t really have a place to go.”

“I thought you were going back to my uncle to continue your training.” He wrinkled his nose. “I thought you couldn’t wait to become a _Jedi._ ”

She tensed up against him. “Well . . . there isn’t really any training to continue. Master Luke, he . . . he kicked me out.”

“What?” He frowned. “Why?”

Her sadness seeped through the bond. “He said there was too much darkness in me. He couldn’t take the risk.”

Her words brought countless of painful memories back to life. _Too much darkness._ That was exactly what Luke had said about Ren. Not to his face, of course, but the words had reached him nonetheless. The eternal conflict within him was something he’d been born with, but he knew some of the pain originated from Luke Skywalker’s judgmental comments. And now, his useless excuse of an uncle had done the same to _her._

Rage surged through him. He’d seen the darkest corners of her mind; the most painful details of her past. Abandonment was the one thing she feared the most, and that’s what Luke had done. He’d abandoned her.

He pulled her even closer to his chest. “I would never do what he did. I don’t care if you’re Light or Dark—I’m still going to train you.”

She snorted. “Gee. Lucky me.”

“I mean it.” He paused. “I won’t leave you, Rey. I promise.”

She didn’t say anything, but he felt her emotions through the bond. Confusion, sadness and relief. An overwhelming amount of relief.

“I can’t promise you anything, but I guess I won’t be leaving you either,” she muttered. “At least not for a while. That’s the best I can offer.”

“Fair enough.”

“But if you try something like . . . like _that_ again, I’m going to break your nose.”

He huffed in amusement. “Also fair.”

As the calm of Rey’s nearness seeped deep into his bones, Ren made a decision. This girl would remain by his side. He didn’t care what he had to do or who he had to hurt in the process. He would keep her.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty then, that's the end of the first arc of this story. Now over to arc two. Thanks again for the comments and the kudos! They always make my day. 
> 
> Scene inspiration: https://daylight-moderations.tumblr.com/image/136167346521 by Daylight-Moderations.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bam, second arc. The plot thickens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspo song: "Deserving?" - Serj Tankian

Ren stared at Rey. “You did _what_?”

She grinned smugly. “I used Force lightning.”

They were sitting on the mat in the training room, catching their breaths after an intense lightsaber practice session. Ren had finally asked her about what happened between her and Jorg, and several parts of her retelling had been unexpected, to say the least.

“Impossible,” he said. “I haven’t even shown you how it’s done yet.”

“I figured it out myself.” She leaned back against the wall. “That knight had a weapon. I didn’t. I had to come up with something, so I did.”

He shook his head. “And you just happened to come up with Force lightning. Okay. That’s . . .”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. She was improving at an almost frightening rate. He’d practiced for months under Snoke’s guidance before pulling off Force lightning for the first time. If she continued like this, it wouldn’t take long before she surpassed him. It thrilled him as much as it terrified him.

The doors swooshed open, and a man in a First Order uniform stepped into the room. The man glanced at them both and then fixed his eyes on the floor. Ren quickly put his helmet back on.

“Kylo Ren?” the man said. “The Supreme Leader wants to speak with you in private.”

Ren’s jaw clenched. “I’ll be right there.”

He still hadn’t forgiven his former master for the set-up that had led to Rey getting attacked. Snoke was a wise and powerful leader, but he wasn’t known for his sense of empathy. Sometimes, the old man simply went too far.

He glanced at Rey. None of the wounds after Jorg’s attack had left a scar, but he could still easily picture them every time he looked at her. A part of him would always feel grateful to Snoke for taking him in and training him, but Rey was _his._ If he had to protect her from Snoke, he would.

“Come on.” He stood up and held out his hand to Rey. “Let’s go.”

She took it and let him pull her up. Her hand was small and delicate in his, but he knew what it could do. He knew what _she_ could do.

_Force lightning,_ he thought with a sigh. Was there anything this girl couldn’t do if she put her mind to it?

The closer they got to the assembly chamber, the more nervous he became. The situation was too similar to the set-up. When he was with the Supreme Leader, anything could happen to Rey. She was strong and resourceful, but as long as she walked around unarmed, she was still vulnerable. 

“Change of plans,” he said, taking a left where he should have turned right. “We’re taking a detour.”

He took her to the weaponry room. From the back of a locked cabinet, he fished out her saberstaff.

Rey’s eyes widened. “Is that . . .?”

“It is.” He reached it out to her. “Take it.”

He didn’t have to tell her twice. She snatched it out of his hands and clutched it to her chest. There was a wild look in her eyes, as if she expected him to try to steal it away from her again.

A smile tugged at his lips. “Don’t worry. I won’t take it from you.”

“Good.” She glanced up at him, and then hesitantly added a silent, _Thank you._

His heart skipped a beat. Her eyes were full of respect and gratitude. She looked at him as if she truly saw him as her teacher. Her _master._ Heat rushed through him. He didn’t deserve this—didn’t deserve _her—_ but he was too selfish to do anything but enjoy the moment.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t use it to stab me in my sleep,” he said, his voice hoarse.

“I won’t.” She smirked. “When I do decide to stab you, you’re going to be fully awake. I promise.”

He snorted. “How reassuring.”

When they finally arrived at the assembly chamber door, Ren was somewhat calmer. With a saberstaff in her hands, none of the knights of Ren would be able to defeat Rey. Most likely, he was the only one on the ship who was still able to take her down. His chest bloomed with pride—pride and fear. It was only a matter of time until she caught up with him, and then, nothing could keep her on the ship. What if she figured it out? What if she decided to leave?

“Hey. Ren.” Rey grabbed his arm. “You’re freaking out about something. Watching you trash the ship is fun and all, but do we really have time for a full freak-out?”

“No, we don’t.” He took a deep breath, forcing the haze to clear from his mind. “Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

She smiled with badly feigned innocence. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

He caught her chin, tilting her head back. “I mean it.”

“So do I.” Her smile widened. “I’ll be good.”

“For as long as it suits you.”

She shrugged, neither confirming nor denying it.

He released her chin and sighed. This girl was going to be the death of him. She might be one of the strongest Force-users in the galaxy, but that didn’t make her less of a brat.

“You know what?” He opened the door to the chamber. “If you get yourself in trouble, don’t expect me to come rescue you.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Excuse me? First of all, I’ve never, _ever_ been in a situation where I’ve needed you to rescue me. Secondly, you’re lying. If I do get myself into trouble, you’re going to try and rescue me whether I want it or not.”

Ren shrugged, neither denying nor confirming her claim, and closed the door behind him.

The assembly room was chilly, as usual. The hologram of the Supreme Leader was already waiting for him on the enormous throne. Snoke’s power dominated the room, like a smothering presence pressing against Ren’s very being.

“Kylo Ren,” Snoke said. “Are you ready for your next mission?”

“I am, Surpeme Leader.”

“Good.” Snoke leaned forward, peering down at him. “As you know, the First Order is hosting an intergalactic meeting in the Ilum System in the Unknown Regions. After the fiasco on Starkiller Base, our allies doubt our strength. We need to prove to them that the defeat did not affect our long-term plans. I want you to go to that meeting, and I want you to bring the girl. Show our allies what it means to be sided with two of the most powerful Force-users in the galaxy.”

“I will.”

Snoke tilted his head to the side. “You are ready for this kind of mission, are you not? The girl has accepted you as her master?”

“She has.” At least when she felt like it. “I’m ready.” 

“Excellent. There are several players in this war that would go to great lengths to acquire an asset like your apprentice. If one of those players suspects that the girl can still be won over, they might try to steal her away from you.”

Ren clenched his jaw. “I would never allow that to happen.”

“I know you wouldn’t. Not willingly.” A faint smile ghosted over Snoke’s lips. “Impress them all, Kylo Ren. Show them the power of a master and an apprentice. Show them which side she belongs to. _Who_ she belongs to.”

_Me,_ he thought. _She belongs to me._

-

“This is ridiculous,” Rey exclaimed from the ‘fresher. “I really can’t see the necessity in this.” 

“Our mission is to show the First Order allies our strength,” Ren said. “I’ve already made a name for myself. You haven’t. To give our allies the proper impression, you need to look like someone capable of slaying armies without hesitation. You need to look like my apprentice.”

“I look like a scavenger. Smashing some paint on my face isn’t going to change that.” She paused. “This is about what Snoke said, isn’t it?”

“You were eavesdropping?”

“A little.” He didn’t have to see her to know how smug she looked. “Maybe you should shield better.”

“I _was_ shielding.” _It just didn’t do me any good._ He sighed. “And this has nothing to do with Snoke.” 

“This has _everything_ to do with Snoke. Your pain always increases tenfold after you’ve spoken with that . . . that _creature_. He pushes all your buttons, and I know he’s doing it on purpose. He wants to keep you off balance, and now he’s using me to do so. It’s pure manipulation. How can you not see it?”

The need to destroy something rose within him, but he managed to keep it at bay. “Don’t speak about the Supreme Leader like that. He’s wise. Everything he does, he does for a reason. He has a plan.”

“I’m sure he does—I just don’t think your well-being is included in it. He’s using you.”

He clenched his fists. “Enough.”

“If it suited him, he’d drop you in a heartbeat. Can’t you see that? You’re just a tool to him.”

“ _Enough._ ” He ripped the door to the ‘fresher open, and froze. The beauty droid slipped past him and left the room.

“See? Ridiculous,” Rey said. “I look like I’ve been crawling through a coal mine and then got punched in the face or something.”

Her hair tumbled over her shoulder in a soft braid. The beauty droid had framed her eyes with black, bringing out their hazel color. His eyes fell to her crimson red lips. He’d never noticed how full they were before. No, she didn’t look ridiculous. She looked stunning. 

He swallowed hard. “It will do. Let’s get to the ship.”

She pulled the hood of her black cloak over her head and followed him into the corridor. Ren could hardly breathe. The goal had been to make her look like someone who could slay armies, and, well, in a way, he supposed the droid had succeeded. She did look lethal. She didn’t look like a dangerous foot soldier, though. She looked like a queen.

“People are staring at me,” she muttered, her eyes fixed on the floor.

They were. She caught the eyes of every person she passed.

He placed his hand on the small of her back. “That’s the point.”

For a moment, he wondered if they could all see it too—that he was just a knight, pretending to be the master of a queen.

He knew all too well that he didn’t deserve her. He just hoped that she wouldn’t realize it, too.

* * *

 

A red-haired man in a black suit waited for them in the hangar. Rey felt like she vaguely recognized him from somewhere.

“This is General Hux,” Ren said. “He’ll be accompanying us to Ilum.”

Oh. That explained it. General Hux was the First Order’s spokesperson, responsible for most things regarding Starkiller Base and its offence against the New Republic. She’d never been particularly interested in the First Order’s propaganda, but considering how often Hux’ speeches had been shown on the holovid in Jakku, it had been hard to avoid seeing him at least once or twice.

Hux scowled. “ _You’re_ the ones accompanying _me._ This is an important mission, Ren. Don’t mess it up.”

Ren huffed in amusement. “You have no authority over me and you know it. I do what I want.”

“If you try to destroy my ship again, I’m going to find a deserted moon and dump you there.” His pale eyes narrowed. “Just one damn fit and I swear, I _will_ dump you there.”

Rey couldn’t hold back the laughter. Hux turned to her, and she immediately closed her mouth.

“The same thing goes for you, little scavenger. I’m growing tired of having my employees fix your damn doors all the time.” He wrinkled his nose in disgust. “I used to think this part of my job couldn’t possibly get any worse, and look—now there’s _two_ of you.” 

He turned around and stalked off toward a medium-sized starship. Rey stared at his back as he walked away.

“What’s his problem?” she asked. She tried to decide whether the famous General Hux scared her or amused her, and settled for both.

Ren shrugged. “He wants everything around him to be neat and orderly. I tend to ruin his day by simply existing.”

Hux shot them an angry glance over his shoulder. “Keep up. I could easily take off without you. Don’t make the thought more tempting than it already is.”

“I don’t think he likes me either,” Rey whispered as they hurried after the red-head.

“Don’t take it personally. He doesn’t like anyone.”

When the doors of the ship closed behind them, Rey felt slightly claustrophobic. The ship was full of people and droids, and they all kept staring at her. The attention made her uncomfortable. She was used to being nearly invisible. Causing people turn their heads like this was bordering on frightening.

What did they see when they looked at her? What did they say about her? She knew there had to be rumors going around about her, especially after that chat she’d had with the frightened Stormtroopers. Did the people on the Finalizer really see her as Ren’s apprentice? When she looked at herself in the mirror, she only saw a plain scavenger, pretending to be something she was not.

The three of them sat down on a lounge suite. Rey tried her best to hide her astonishment. The ship was more elegantly furnished than Unkar Plutt’s whole establishment back on Jakku. She shook her head as she thought back on her old life. Here she was, sitting on a fancy sofa, wearing fancy makeup and fancy, black clothes, well on her way to a fancy First Order conference. The whole thing was pretty bizarre.

Hux eyed her from head to toe before turning to Ren. “The scavenger girl cleans up nicely.”  

“Don’t call her that.”

“What?” Hux lips twitched. “You found her in a junkyard. It’s what she is.”

“ _Don’t._ ”

She felt the spike of Ren’s fury through the bond. He placed his hand on her hip and pulled her closer. Heat rushed through her, and she couldn’t tell which side of the bond it was coming from. Both, most likely.

Hux observed him carefully. “Don’t tell me you’re going to have an episode over this.”

“If you keep talking, I might.”

They stared at each other for a moment. If the lifeless eyes of Ren’s helmet bothered Hux, it didn’t show. His cold blues met Ren’s metallic ones without hesitation. A silent battle waged between them, and a few moments later, the general muttered something under his breath and walked away.

Rey wasn’t sure what kind of macho man game she’d just witnessed, but it seemed to have stilled most of Ren’s rage. Some of it remained, as usual. As far as she knew, a part of that man was always angry.  

 “You need to stop letting people provoke you like this, Ren,” she said softly. “Besides, you call me that all the time.”

“That’s different.”

“Why?”

“It just is.”

Ren’s hand squeezed her hip. It was a possessive move, and an obvious one, too. A part of her screamed at her to move away from him, but she still ended up staying by his side. While being this close to him, the looks of everyone around her no longer felt judgmental. She didn’t feel quite as vulnerable.

She glanced up at him. With the mask and the heavy cloak on, he looked terrifying. Why wasn’t she afraid of him? How was it possible that a man like him could make her feel safe?

Something weird was happening to her. There she was, fully armed, and she still didn’t want to kill him. Not even once had she felt the urge to use her newly regained saberstaff against him. Was he messing with her head? Something inside her was changing, and she wasn’t sure how to feel about that. She was growing stronger, yes, but at what price?

She leaned back on the couch, resting her head against Ren’s shoulder. This was going to be a long ride, so she might as well relax.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and the kudos. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter too!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait. Long story short; I'm currently hospitalized, and I'm having trouble finding the time to write. Hopefully you won't have to wait quite this long for chapter 9, though. Thanks for hanging in there!

The ship landed on a humid planet with two suns hanging low over the horizon. The fellowship of humans and droids entered a magnificent building made of black durasteel and glass. Rey’s eyes widened as she took in her surroundings. She’d marveled over the design and furnishing of the ship, but the elegance of this place made the ship look as shabby as her old AT-AT.

Ren placed his hand on the small of her back. _You’re supposed to be trying to fit in. Close your mouth._

She forced the wonder off her face and sent him a glare. They entered an enormous sitting room, larger than the entire Niima Outpost back on Jakku. It didn’t take long before her eyes began to wander again. The chandeliers hanging from the ceiling were bejeweled with thousands of gems, glimmering like diamonds in the dim light. Just a single gem would have given her at least a full day’s rations from Unkar Plutt—she couldn’t even imagine what he would have paid her for an entire chandelier.

_Just to remind you—you’re trying to fit in_ , Ren said dryly. _Stealing a chandelier is not going to help you with that._

“I wasn’t planning to,” she snapped. When people suddenly turned around to look at her, she realized she’d said it out loud. Ren snorted.

_I’m glad someone’s amused,_ she thought, glaring at his mask. She didn’t need to see his face to know when he was gloating.

A freckled woman wearing a purple skirt suit carefully approached the company. “My lady? Is everything alright?”

Rey wrinkled her brow. As far as she knew, she was the only unmasked woman in the party. Who was the freckled woman talking to?

The woman tilted her head to the side. “Lady Rey?”

Rey’s brain froze. Okay. That would make _her_ the lady, then. These people thought of her _,_ a low-life scavenger who’d been seriously considering stealing her hosts’ chandeliers, as a lady. The whole thing was too bizarre to process.

“She’s fine,” Ren’s mechanical voice said before she could give the woman an answer. “Show us to our quarters.”

“Yes, yes of course.” The woman gave him a nervous smile. “Three suites have been reserved for General Hux, Lord Ren and Lady Rey. They’re on the top floor. If you would please—”

“We will only need two suites,” Ren interrupted. “My apprentice and I will share.”

“Oh. Oh. I see.” Her smile faltered slightly, and she fidgeted a little with her pearl necklace. “I apologize. I wasn’t aware of this . . . this change. There’s only one bed per suite, but I’m sure I can—”

“That won’t be a problem.”

Rey felt the sudden urge to punch him in the face. From somewhere behind her, she heard a groan that could only have come from General Hux. 

The poor woman blushed and lowered her eyes. “Oh, no, of course not. Please, follow me.”

Rey thought about adding that she’d be sleeping on the floor, but decided that it would probably only make this mess of a situation even weirder.

“Would it kill you to be polite?” she hissed at Ren as they followed the woman toward the elevators.

“I’m not here to be polite. I’m here to make an impact.”

She narrowed her eyes. “So, making people we’re, you know, like _that_ —is that how you’re going to make an impact?”

“What people think our relationship is irrelevant to the mission.” His tone of voice was dry and neutral, but the hand on her back pulled her slightly closer to him. Contradictive as always, that man.

She reached out through the bond to get a feel on what his true intentions had been behind that ridiculous scene. He’s thoughts were messy and all over the place, but she could tell he was pleased with how their entrance had turned out. He’d wanted people to know about their habit to share a room. She frowned. Why would he want people to know that? Didn’t it bother him that they’d been in Ilum for less than an hour and people were already spreading rumors about them?

_No,_ came his silent reply. 

_Well, it bothers me._

If Ren cared even the slightest about her opinion on the matter, he certainly didn’t show it.

The farther they got into the conference building, the more uncomfortable Rey felt. There were so many things about this world and its manipulative power games she couldn’t even begin to understand. She was supposed to pretend to fit in, but it was becoming increasingly clear to her that she didn’t belong in these fancy halls. She wasn’t a lady. She was just Rey. Plain, ordinary Rey.

“To your right, you can see Ilum’s famous botanical gardens,” the freckled woman chirped as they entered a new corridor. “With a flora consisting of over a thousand species, this garden is widely known as the greatest botanical experience in the Unknown Regions.”

Rey stopped. Outside the floor-length windows, a whole new world opened up to her. Never before had she seen so many flowers in one place. Master Luke’s island was wonderfully green and full of life, and she’d been certain it was the most beautiful place in the universe. She’d been wrong.

She trailed off from the long line of First Order people and headed toward the glass doors. When she stepped outside, she was hit by the scent of hundreds of different flowers. Her head spun. If someone had told her about a garden like this back on Jakku, she would have called them a liar. Back then, she’d dreamt of having a small garden of her own—just a patch of dirt where she could watch her plants grow, preferably in a place where she wouldn’t have to worry about droughts and sandstorms. Not in a million years would she have imagined that a place like this existed—and the fact that it belonged to the First Order was even harder to believe.

Rey knelt next to a magnificent bush of deep red roses and carefully cupped one of its flowers in her hands. The petals were still damp with dew, glimmering in the sunlight. She took a deep breath. The garden was bursting with life, and in every single organism, she could feel the soft hum of the Force. How could an organization as rotten as the First Order create something so beautiful?

“I didn’t take you for a girl who likes flowers,” a familiar voice said from behind her back. She turned around and found Ren leaning against the doorframe. His face was covered by the mask, but she could still visualize the smirk on his face.

“I like watching things grow.” She stood up and crossed her arms. “What’s wrong with liking flowers?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just very ladylike, that’s all.” He slowly approached her. “Lately, you’ve given me the impression that ladylike things make you uncomfortable.”

She lowered her eyes. If he’d noticed how uncomfortable she’d been in her new role, then other people had probably noticed it as well. She’d been given one job for this trip, and she was already messing it up.

She generally didn’t care about what other people thought of her, but for some reason, the thought of disappointing Kylo Ren bothered her. There was something terribly wrong about that.

“I don’t have a problem with ladylike things.” She hesitated, chewing on her lip. “I’m just not very good at being a lady.”

Ren’s gloved hand cupped her cheek with a surprisingly gentle touch. “Stop doubting yourself. You think of yourself as inferior to these people, but you’re not. I can guarantee that you’re the only person on this planet who doesn’t think you belong here.” He caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting her head back. “You belong by my side. The only one who can’t see that is you.”

The sudden heat in his voice made her heart skip a beat. His words should have been distressing to her—disgusting, even—but she couldn’t deny the pride that suddenly bloomed in her chest.

 “I can see it,” she softly said. A part of her might hate him for everything he’d done, but she’d finally accepted the truth. Whether she liked it or not, her soul was connected to Kylo Ren’s.

 “Good.”

She felt his pride through the bond and bathed in the sensation. His approval warmed her from the inside out, filling her with unfamiliar self-confidence. She felt _good._ His thumb grazed her bottom lip, his touch still impossibly gentle. _A monster and a murderer,_ a small voice whispered in the back of her mind, but it had lost all conviction.

When she looked at him now, she didn’t see a monster anymore. Was she changing him? She knew her nearness brought calm to his chaos, and according to the Stormtroopers, he’d become less destructive since her arrival. There was a lot of darkness in him, but she knew from experience that there was good in him, too. Was she turning him back to the Light?

While the thought fascinated her, it also sent a bad feeling to the pit of her stomach. Their bond was a constant give-and-take, affecting both of them equally. If their connection was pulling Ren toward the light, it had to have some sort of pull on her, too. She couldn’t ignore the possibility that the reason she no longer thought of Kylo Ren as a monster was because she was slowly turning into one herself.

Something stirred in the garden. Her precognition skills nudged at her, telling her how to move before she’d even had time to react. In less than a second, she’d covered Ren, pulled her saberstaff from the sheath on her back and deflected the shot that would otherwise have hit him in the face. 

“Are you alright?” she asked Ren, keeping a careful eye on the garden in search for the shooter. Ren grunted something unintelligible, and then she heard the unmistakable buzz of his rugged lightsaber.

Two figures stepped out from behind a large oak tree. One of them had thin, silver hair and was dressed in a black greatcoat. The other wore black leather from head to toe, his face covered by a silver mask. The man with the mask was still pointing a blaster at her and Ren. She swallowed hard. At least one of them had to be Force-sensitive—otherwise, they would never have been able to sneak up on her and Ren like this.

“General Veers,” Ren said. “It’s been a long time.”

Rey wrinkled her brow in confusion and glanced at Ren over her shoulder. His shoulders were stiff, and his hand clenched around the hilt of his saber in an almost desperate grip. She turned her focus back to the two strangers. Ren’s voice may have been calm and civil, but his body language spoke louder than words. These men were not to be trusted.

“Kylo Ren.” Veers cocked an eyebrow. “And an apprentice. The rumors were true, then.”

“And you have a new apprentice of your own,” Ren said coolly. “What happened to the old one?”

“She didn’t live up to my expectations.” A cold smile tugged at his lips. “Very tragic. She had so much potential.”

The man in the silver mask snorted. “Not enough potential to keep my staff away from her guts.”

Rey stared at them both. The general left an impression of power and entitlement, but it was the man in the silver mask who raised her hackles. She could feel his Force signature—dark and oily and repulsive. His full attention seemed to be fixed on her. The power games were on again, and she was clearly playing a starring role this time.

_What’s happening?_ she asked Ren through the bond.

_I’m not sure. Be prepared for anything._

She tightened her grip on her saberstaff. _Are we going to have to fight?_

_Me? Maybe. You? Definitely._

Before she could ask him what he meant, the man in the silver mask pulled an electrostaff from a sheath on his back dashed toward her. He kept the staff in a one-handed grip and fired off several shots with his blaster. She deflected them just in time to block his first hit with the electrostaff. The staff’s ends were adorned with long, sharp hooks, crackling with electricity. She fought back a shudder as she pushed the staff away from her. If the man caught her with those hooks, the staff’s electricity would stop her heart in mere seconds.

_Can you handle this?_ Ren was standing motionless a couple of steps behind her. He looked like he could spring into action at any moment, but he was holding himself back. Apparently, this was her fight.

_I can handle it._ She gave several quick blows to her opponent’s electrostaff, forcing him to drop the blaster and use both hands on the staff.

“Not bad,” the man panted. “So _those_ rumors were true as well, then. I can tell by the way you fight. You use that staff like someone who’s had to fight for survival.” He sliced her arm with one of the hooks, sending a quick surge of electricity through her body. Her body jerked, but she managed to push his staff away from her before the shock could fry her insides.

“He pimped you up, but beneath the pretty paint job, you’re just like the rest of us,” the silver mask continued, slightly out of breath. “You’re a nobody.”

“So what?” she spat back. “I may be a nobody, but I at least have the decency not to randomly attack people like this.”

The man laughed. At least that’s what she thought he was doing—it was hard to tell when his mask turned all the sounds he made into eerie noises.

“As if you haven’t done the exact same thing.” He swung his staff, and when she blocked it, he threw a wild kick to her stomach. “You don’t get this far by playing nicely.”

She stumbled backwards but managed to keep herself on her feet. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” She gritted her teeth. “I’m nothing like you.”

“No?” His staff kept getting closer to her body. He was a man who’d had to fight for survival—and he seemed to have done so even frequently than her. She could just barely keep him at arm’s length. Without Ren’s training, she would have been screwed.

“So all the rumors about you are true, then. Even the ones about you and your master.”

“What rumors?” she asked, even though she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know.

She was a millisecond too slow as she dodged the electrostaff, and its hooks buried themselves deep in her side. The shock pulsed through her body, her knees buckling under her weight. The silver mask drove her down to the ground, pinning her in the soft grass. Her body jerked wildly from the electricity, and she felt her heart skip several beats before continuing to race. She glanced at Ren, who was still standing motionless by the sidelines. He either thought she had the situation under control, or he simply cared more about his stupid power games than her well-being.

The silver mask leaned over her. “Haven’t you heard them? Everyone’s talking about it. Why would the famous lone-wolf Kylo Ren suddenly pick up a nobody from a desert hellhole and make her his apprentice? It’s obvious, isn’t it?” He drove the hooks deeper into her stomach. “To get into a position like ours, you either fight your way there, or you fuck your way there. You must have been one hell of a fuck.”

The fury washed over her, piercing through the pain. She grabbed his staff and pulled it out of her side, hooks and all, and used it to send him flying over her. Before he’d even hit the ground, she was back up on her feet, calling her dropped saberstaff back into her hand. The adrenaline pumped through her body. Back on Jakku, she’d done almost anything to get by—but there was one line she’d never crossed. She’d never used her body as a bargaining chip. No matter how hungry she’d gotten, she’d never regretted her promise to herself. She would never have sex for favors. No one would ever own her that way.

And now, here she was, surrounded by a bunch of strangers who all seemed to think she’d slept her way into Ren’s good graces.

The anger surged through her veins, filling her with power. She lunged for the silver mask and attacked at full force. He tried to parry her blows, but even with his slight Force-sensitivity, he couldn’t keep up with her. A hit to his thigh brought him down on one knee, and her next hit sliced off his sword arm. He fell to the ground, cradling his smoldering shoulder.

Rey paused for a moment, staring down at the pitiful figure. She didn’t even know this man’s name, but she hated him. Hated him enough to want him dead.

“Go on,” the man croaked. “Finish it.”

She raised her staff. He’d attacked her. Insulted her. Hurt her. She wanted him dead. The anger within her wanted him dead.

_Do it,_ Ren’s voice whispered in her mind, a gentle caress against her rage. _I know you want to. Do it, Rey. End it._

She gave in to the temptation and sliced the man’s throat.

“Well, look at that,” General Veers said, stifling a yawn. “I thought he’d do better than that. A miscalculation on my side.”

“My apprentice is stronger than she looks,” Ren said. “I would not recommend approaching her again.”

Rey heard the men talk, but she wasn’t listening to what they were saying. The anger had faded away, and reality was slowly sinking in. The grass beneath the man with the silver mask was turning red. She’d killed him. She’d killed him, even though he’d been wounded and helpless. She’d killed him, even though she’d had no reason to. She’d killed him just because she wanted to.

She glanced at her reflection in the silver mask. The young woman staring back at her was neither a scavenger nor a lady. She was a monster.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter: Bickering and action. Next chapter: Aaaaangst. Have fun. 
> 
> Thanks for the comments and the kudos! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steamy angst. Fasten your seat belts, we're going full reylo.

She was magnificent. Absolutely magnificent.

Ren stared at his apprentice in awe. Her anger washed over him, growing in strength until he could no longer separate it from his own. For a while, he’d had to fight the urge to rip General Veers’ apprentice apart for touching Rey, but that was no longer the case. He still wanted him dead, yes, but there was no doubt in his mind that she was perfectly capable of ripping him apart herself.

He watched her slit the man’s throat, and he couldn’t be prouder.

“Well, look at that.” General Veers looked at his fallen apprentice with disinterest. “I thought he’d do better than that. A miscalculation on my side.”

Ren clenched his fists. This was where the real games started. General Maxon Veers, nephew of the notorious old Imperial Army officer, was famous for his habit of going through apprentices in search for the strongest candidate. Right now, that candidate was most likely Rey.

“My apprentice is stronger than she looks,” Ren said. “I would not recommend approaching her again.”

Ren found himself more or less ignored. The general was too busy observing Rey to give Ren any attention whatsoever. She was staring into her dead opponent’s silver mask, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. He could sense the turmoil within her, but he wasn’t sure what had caused it. She’d won her first real duel, and she’d done it beautifully. Why wasn’t she happy about it?

“Are you hurt?” he carefully asked her. He’d seen Veers’ apprentice stab her in the stomach, but he didn’t sense any pain coming from her. In fact, he didn’t sense much at all, except for that vague feeling of turbulent emotions. He wanted to run to her side, but he was already toeing the line of showing to much compassion. The First Order’s allies thought of him as cruel and merciless. That was the image he needed to uphold.

“I’m fine.” She looked up from the ground and stared right at him. Fury swirled in her hazel eyes, and he had to fight the urge to take a step back. She hesitated for a moment before adding the word General Veers was doubtlessly waiting for. “ _Master._ ”

Her voice didn’t have a shred of submission in it, and her eyes posed something between a challenge and a threat. Ren’s mind came to a complete standstill. Heat rushed through him. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to fight her or to press his lips against her scowling little mouth. Probably both.

“You’ve found an interesting apprentice, that’s for sure,” General Veers said, pulling Ren’s attention away from Rey. “I look forward to seeing more from both of you.”

He gave Ren a cryptic smile and returned the way he came from, leaving his fallen apprentice in the grass. Annoyance and a vague premonition of future problems gnawed at Ren. Rey had peaked General Veers’ interest. This would not be the last they saw of him.

Ren glanced at Rey again. Her gaze was once again fixed on her dead opponent, but her mind was somewhere far, far away. When he tried to reach out to her through the bond, he only got muffled anguish in response.

“Let’s get to our quarters,” he said, reaching out to place his hand on the small of her back. Before he could touch her, she’d jerked away from him as if she’d been burnt. His arm fell to his side. He rarely felt like he could completely understand his strange little scavenger girl, but her behavior right now was more confusing than ever. Was she doubting herself again? He’d seen the inferiority complex hidden behind her brave façade. Was her self-esteem causing her to shut him out like this?

They walked to their suite in silence. Rey was so locked up within herself he could barely feel a thing from her. The isolation was . . . strange. He’d grown used to her presence. There was a void where her mind was supposed to be, and it brought him a weird sense of emptiness.

The doors to the suite closed behind them with a soft swoosh. Rey’s eyes roamed over the room, which was doubtlessly the most extravagant residence she’d ever seen, but he felt none of her earlier astonishment. He removed his helmet and dropped it on the floor.

“Rey,” he murmured. “Rey, look at me.”

She slowly turned around but kept her gaze fixed on the carpet floor.

He cupped her face in his hands and gently tilted her head back until her hazel eyes met his. “You were perfect out there. _Perfect._ ” He let his pride wash over her, letting her feel just how much he’d approved of her actions.

She stepped back, shaking off his hands as she sent him a furious glare. “No, I wasn’t. I _killed_ someone.”

Ren frowned. This was not the reaction he’d expected. “You’ve killed before.”

“When I had to!” she exclaimed. “This man, he . . . I didn’t have to kill him. I’d already defeated him.” She made a weak attempt to hide her trembling hands by crossing her arms. “I didn’t kill him because I had to. I killed him because I wanted to.”

“He attacked you. You had every right to finish him off. I don’t see the problem.”

“No, _of course_ you don’t.” She began to pace back and forth. “You kill entire villages without even reflecting over it. You’re the heartless killer here. Not me.” Her eyes filled with tears. “You’re dark and evil and _horrible,_ and you’re dragging me down with you. You’re poisoning me. You and this . . . this kriffing _bond_.” She stopped and spun around, glaring at him again. “Are we ever going to talk about that? How we can somehow read each other’s minds? How I can feel when you’re having an episode, even from the other side of the Finalizer? I don’t care about how it happened or why, but I want you to tell me how to make it stop. Our minds have been connected for far too long, and I want it to end. Right now.”

Ren stood speechless for a moment. Her words echoed in his head, and the sensation reminded him of being stabbed in the chest. Repeatedly. Yes, he was a horrible, heartless killer. He’d just enjoyed imagining that maybe, just _maybe,_ she wasn’t aware of it, too.

“The connection we share is called a Force bond,” he said, his voice hoarse. “My theory is that our minds were linked during your interrogation, and that link has since then grown into a full bond. It’s not . . . it’s not reversible.”

Rey’s shimmering eyes widened. “What?”

“And for one participant of the Force bond to change the personality of the other, that person would have to have a much greater influence than I’ve ever had over you,” he added. “I’m not poisoning you, Rey. I’m only bringing out what was already there.”

She looked as if he’d slapped her in the face. The shock made her shields fall apart, and he was suddenly overwhelmed by her emotions. Fear. Guilt. Anger. Pain. _Physical_ pain.

After a moment of confusion, he looked at her stomach and then down on the floor. A small pool of blood had formed on the crimson carpet. Adrenaline rushed through his veins. He’d thought she was unharmed, but he’d been wrong. She’d been shielding her injury from him.

“Rey,” he said in a low voice. “Let me see.”

He reached out for her, but she swiftly dodged his arms.

“Don’t touch me,” she hissed before taking off toward the door leading to the refresher. He hurried after her and reached the refresher just in time to get the door slammed in his face.

“Rey? Rey!” He slammed the door with the meat of his palm. “Open the door, Rey.”

“Leave me alone,” her muffled voice yelled back.

“Open the blasted door, Rey.”

“Kriff off, Ren. Go do whatever it is you do when I’m not around.”

And what would that be, exactly? He’d had her around for such a long time now, he couldn’t even remember what he’d used to do without her. He slammed the door again. “Rey!”

Minutes of silence passed. The red haze grew stronger in Ren’s mind. Rey was hurt. Rey was in there, by herself, _hurt._ He punched the door a third time, hard enough to leave a dent.

“You’re injured, Rey,” he said, trying hard to keep his voice level. “You need to let me help you.”

“I don’t _need_ to do anything,” she snarled back. “I’m a perfectly decent healer. I don’t need your help. Do you understand me? I. Don’t. Need. You.”

“ _I_ need _you_.” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them. He turned away from the door, slumping heavily against the wall. An embarrassment, that’s what he was. A weak, needy embarrassment. And now she knew that, too.

The door to the refresher opened. The girl who stepped into the room looked nothing like the woman who’d left it minutes ago. Rey had washed off her makeup, removed her black cloak and let out her messy, brown curls. The short tank top beneath the cloak showed off a toned, perfectly healed stomach. Ren swallowed hard. No matter how beautiful she looked as a dark lady, he still preferred her like this. The untamed scavenger girl in front of him was the true Rey, the one he’d grown to . . . _appreciate_.

She crossed her arms. “Did you really mean that?”

He saw no point in denying it. “Yes.”

“You need me.”

“Yes.”

“Then why did you just stand there?” she yelled. “The man in the silver mask nearly killed me, and you just stood there. I thought you had my back. I thought you . . .” She lowered her eyes. “I thought you valued your apprentice more than your stupid power games. Which was stupid of me, since you obviously don’t.”

Her voice had shrunk into a whisper by the time she uttered the final sentence. He reached out for her, and this time, she didn’t flinch. He ran his gloved fingers through her hair, caressing her scalp. His other hand ghosted over the skin on her stomach, just to make sure the wound was truly healed. It had.

“If I had intervened,” he slowly said, “your reputation would have been destroyed—and, by proxy, mine. To be frank, I don’t care much for my reputation, but the Supreme Leader does. He would have seen you as a liability, and he would have had you killed in a heartbeat. That’s why I had to stay back. Otherwise, I would never have let anyone harm you like that. Never.” His hand slid to the small of her back, pulling her closer. “That said . . . if you hadn’t killed that man, I would have. And I wouldn’t have been as quick about it.”

A shudder ran through her body. “How was I supposed to know that?”

He leaned down and nuzzled the crook of her neck, tracing her quickening pulse with his lips. She tasted like salt and sunlight, and her smell . . . she smelled of calm, and peace, and _home_.

His lips ghosted over the sensitive skin beneath her jaw, and a soft moan escaped from somewhere deep down her throat. When he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse and strained. “Do you really have to ask?”

When he pulled back, her eyes were glazed over with heat. Her breathing was quick and shallow, and a soft blush covered her cheeks. She raised her hands—small, so unbelievably small, and so impossibly gentle—and tentatively placed them on his chest. Her gaze met his, then fell to his lips, and then rose to his eyes again.

“Say it again,” she breathed.

“What?”

Her hands traveled up to his neck, her thumbs caressing his jawline. “Tell me you need me.”

“I need you.”

Her lips crashed into his. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down as she nearly devoured him. His last thread of self-control snapped. He growled into her mouth as he pushed her back against the wall, answering the kiss with the same kind of untamed madness she’d initiated it with. He grabbed the back of her thighs, hoisting her up until their faces were on the same level, and then he kissed her again. She was so tiny, his little scavenger, weighing nearly nothing at all. He adored it.

When she’d secured herself by crossing her legs behind his back, he let his hands wander. He slid a hand under her tank top, running his fingers over the smooth skin. Her waist was so small he could probably span it in his hands if he wanted to. His hand went even higher until it could cup her breast. Her nipple pebbled under his touch, and when he flicked it with his thumb, she threw her head back and moaned. His hips jerked, and whatever restraint he’d still had left went straight out the window.

He latched on to her neck with his lips, trailing harsh kisses down her throat and collarbone. The angry red marks would without a doubt still be visible in the morning, and he didn’t mind that at all. If the rest of the universe knew that this girl was his, _his_ in every way possible _,_ then people might be less inclined to try to steal her away from him.

He caught a nipple through the tank top fabric with his teeth, biting down slightly, just to hear her gasp his name. She was unraveling in front of him, trembling with need, her fingers buried in his hair and her lips swollen from his kisses. So beautiful. So breathtakingly beautiful.

She tugged hard on his hair to get him back to her lips and gave him another mind-numbing kiss. Her mouth fought to own him, and he fought her right back. In this particular fight, they were equals—she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He didn’t need to bond to feel her need. Her actions showed that clearly enough.

He removed his gloves with his teeth and let one hand trail down the waistline of her leggings. He’d wanted this for far too long. He needed to touch her. Feel her. _Have_ her.

“Ren. Stop.”

At first, he didn’t even hear her. He’d pushed down the thin straps of her tank top and was now trailing love bites down her chest. When the words finally sank in, he looked up at her in confusion.

“Ren, I . . . I can’t. I just can’t.”

But she wanted it. She wanted it so badly, it was nearly driving her insane. Her emotions were surging through the bond, spurring on his own desire. He took a deep, shuddering breath. It would have been so easy to just continue. She wouldn’t have fought it for long, no, she would have fallen to her own need in a heartbeat. If he just showed her . . .

She cupped his face in her hands. “Ren. _Please._ ”

There it was again. The “please” that seemed to tear down all his defenses. He suspected that he would walk to the end of the universe and back if she asked him for it, just because of that “please”.

He pushed back his emotions and carefully put her down on the floor. He wasn’t sure why she suddenly couldn’t bring herself to continue, but he would respect it.

He laughed bitterly to himself. Apparently, there was still enough decency in him to do the right thing every once in a while.

He turned to Rey. She was standing with her arms crossed, making herself look even smaller than usual. Her hair was a messy halo around her face, and her neck was covered in angry marks. She wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry about that,” she said, her voice unsteady. “For starting things and then just . . . I’m sorry.”

Ren blinked. She’d given him the most beautiful thing he’d experienced in years, and she was feeling guilty for not giving him even more?

He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her gently on the forehead. “You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to apologize for.” He gave her curls a light tug before letting her go. “Come on. We need to get some sleep.”

He turned around and headed toward the bedroom. Rey’s soft footsteps followed right behind him, and he could still feel the aura of conflicting emotions she was radiating. He took another deep breath. Force, he wanted her. The wall he’d put up between him and his off-limits-apprentice had crashed and burned the moment she’d reached up and kissed him. There was no going back, now. He wanted her. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted another person. If Rey decided that this was it, that this had been a one-time thing and that she wanted them to go back to being master and apprentice again, it would most likely kill him.

Even if so, he still couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

He lay down on the king size bed and closed his eyes. Some parts of him—parts _downstairs_ in particular—were still very discontent with that sudden interruption.

He flinched in surprise when a soft body crawled under the covers right next to him. For a moment, Rey’s mind was completely open to him. He felt the loneliness and the fear, and the beneath the surface, he felt a weak twinge of hope. She wanted to trust him. She wanted him to have her back. His actions during the battle had shaken her to the core, but she still wanted to believe in him. She needed his nearness—not _that_ kind of nearness, but just . . . nearness.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, tucking her head in beneath his chin. She snuggled closer, burying her nose in the crook of his neck. A smile tugged at his lips, and he gently stroked her hair. If this was what she needed from him, he would give it to her. He would give her anything.

“Is it true, what you said?” she whispered. “That this . . . _thing_ we have, it can’t be broken?”

“Yes.” That was pretty much the only thing he knew for sure about Force bonds.

She was silent for a moment. “Okay. I guess that settles it, then.”

“Settles what?”

“I’m not turning dark,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone. “I refuse to let you turn me into something I don’t want to be. If one of us has to change, is going to be you.”

The hand playing with her hair froze. “What?”

“This bond works both ways. We’re affecting each other, right? If I drag you out of the dark before you can pull me down, we might find some kind of middle way together. We could be like the Grey Jedi in your holobooks, using both the Light and the Dark. We wouldn’t have to choose a side. We’d be both.”

He pulled her even closer, hoping she couldn’t hear how hard his heart was pounding. “I don’t think that’s how the Force works.”

She yawned, and he felt her body relax against his. “It’s worth a shot.”

Ren stayed awake long after Rey had fallen asleep. The terrifying idea had rooted itself in the back of his mind, and there was no way to get it out now. He’d fought the Light within him, trying to reach the absolute darkness of the old Sith. One or the other, he’d always thought. Light or Dark, no in between. What if she was right? What if there was a way to walk a line in between?

He stopped the train of thought before it could grow even stronger. To keep his position as the Master of the Knights of Ren, he needed to be Dark. Snoke would never accept him wavering like this. This idea was unacceptable. He had to let it go. He _had_ to.

He kissed the top of Rey’s head. _I’m sorry._

Her idea was nothing but a childish, impossible dream. There wasn’t much in this universe he wouldn’t do for her, but this was something he could never give her. He was Dark, and soon, she would be too.

The guilt bothered him more than he’d ever admit.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your kind words, guys. I'm out of the hospital now and I'm feeling much better. I hope you liked this chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuses, guys. Thanks for hanging in there. Lots of foreshadowings ahead!

When Rey woke up the next morning, her body was still firmly clutched in the arms of Kylo Ren. She was trapped, yet she couldn’t feel even the slightest hint of claustrophobia or panic. She was calm. Strangely calm.

She had no memory of ever having slept this close to another person before. Back on Jakku, some of the other scavengers had shared bunks to battle the coldness of the desert nights, but she’d always slept alone. Having another person in the same room as she was unconscious had seemed like a risk she’d rather not take. No, she’d preferred shivering as she huddled up under as many blankets she could find over waking up with a knife in her back.

This was different, somehow. Sharing a bed with Kylo Ren was still a massive risk, but he would never, _ever_ stab her in her sleep. In her waking state, maybe, but he would never kill her while she was unconscious. He’d give her a fair fight. He respected her at least that much.

_Does that mean I trust him?_ she silently wondered, glancing up at his sleeping face. The deep wrinkle that usually resided between his eyebrows was gone, making him look more relaxed than she’d ever seen him before. The dark Force-user who’d killed entire villages on Jakku—the monster who’d killed _Han_ —looked like an ordinary young man like this. Well, ordinary was probably not the word most people would use for him. He was handsome, that bastard. Beautiful, even.  

She blushed as she remembered his full lips trailing kisses down her neck. No one had ever made her lose control like that before. One moment, she’d been furious at him, and the next . . . 

Then, the thought had popped up. The one that had ruined it all. ‘ _Maybe if I sleep with him, he won’t abandon me’._ After that, everything had had to stop. It was the one thing she’d promised herself she’d never do. No matter how bad things had gotten back on Jakku, she’d never, ever sold her body. She never had, and she never would.

This wasn’t the same, she knew that, but the thought had still emerged. She didn’t sleep around for favors. If she had to use her body to keep up in this strange battle between her and Ren, then she clearly wasn’t winning anyway.

_But he’s the one who said it out loud,_ she thought, the corner of her lip twitching with smugness. _He’s the one who said he needs me._

Ren furrowed his brow, and moments later, his body stirred. His arms tightened around her, as if he thought she’d try to bolt now that he was awake. Judging by the way her muscles suddenly tensed up, he might have been right.

He opened his eyes and looked down on her. Seconds passed with neither of them saying anything. Rey wasn’t sure whether or not they were going to acknowledge the fact that last night had actually happened. The easier thing to do would most likely be to forget about it all and go back to being master and apprentice. They could still do it. They just had to—

Ren kissed her. His lips were softer than last night, less desperate, but in no way less passionate. He gently ran his fingers through her hair, tugging her head back slightly. She gasped, and the arm around her waist pulled her even closer. He clearly hadn’t forgotten anything about last night and wasn’t about to do so either.

“The Supreme Lord is summoning me,” he said as he pulled back, his voice hoarse. “Stay in bed. I’ll be back soon.”

He kissed her again, got dressed, and then he was gone. She wasn’t sure how a man wearing so much clothing could get dressed so quickly, but she supposed hearing Supreme Leader Snoke’s languid voice directly in your head had to serve as a pretty inspiring motivator.  

She took a deep breath. Okay. So they weren’t going to pretend the whole thing never happened. Where, exactly, did that leave them? Mortal-enemies, master-and-apprentice, forever-bonded-by-the-Force—their relationship was growing too complicated to put a label on.

When someone knocked on the door, she immediately knew it wasn’t Ren. The Force signature was different. She hid herself in her massive, black robe and opened the door. She hadn’t exactly expected to find an angry red-head on the other side of it, but she wasn’t all that surprised about it either. As far as she knew, there was only one man on the entire planet who could radiate such a passive-aggressive kind of annoyance, and that man was General Hux.

“How can I help you?” she asked him, tilting her head to the side. Hux’ usually immaculate hair was almost messy, and the whites of his eyes were bloodshot.

“Move.” Hux pushed past her into the room, scanning the surroundings from floor to ceiling. His gaze stopped for a moment on the dent in the bathroom door. “How charming. We’ve been here for less than a day and you’ve already broken a door. Why am I even surprised?”

“How can I help you?” she repeated, her voice a little chillier than before. “As you can see, Ren isn’t here right now. Can I leave a message?”

“No.” Hux turned around, his greatcoat swirling around him. “You’re the one I was looking for.”

Rey’s face remained passive as she raised her eyebrows. “Why?”

Hux flinched. The motion was nearly invisible, but she caught it nevertheless. He flinched. Okay. She had to admit the general had her curiosity peaked, now.  

“I brought a guest to the convention,” Hux finally spat out. “I lost her. I need to find her.”

Rey crossed her arms as she considered the problem. “Have you talked to the receptionist who helped us before? She could probably call for this guest of yours on the speakers.”

“Do you really think I would have shown up here of all places if the problem had been that easily solved, you stupid . . .” He took a deep breath. “Let’s just say it’s not that simple. I need someone who can trace my guest’s Force signature. Someone who’s not Kylo Ren.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s a cat, damn it!” Hux exclaimed. “My guest is a cat. Her name is Millicent. Ren hates the poor thing and would never lift a finger to help finding her.”

“A cat. I see.” Rey chewed on her lip, forcing herself not to laugh. General Hux had brought a cat to a space convention and lost it. This was almost too good to be real. “And why do you think I’d help you with this?”

Hux snorted. “Because you’re not evil incarnated like him. Millie is just an innocent little cat. Things like that matter to you, do they not?”

It did. “If I do this for you, you’ll owe me a favor,” she told him anyway. “Deal?”

He wrinkled his nose, but he didn’t look very surprised by her demand. “Deal.”

“And I want answers to some questions,” she continued. “Things about the First Order and Supreme Leader Snoke. Nothing weird. Just some things Ren hasn’t been willing to talk about.”

The general looked at her as if the mere sight of her made him nauseous. She stood her ground, staring right back at him. Hux seemed to care a great deal about this cat. If he wanted Millicent back, he was going to have to follow Rey’s demands—and judging by the fury in his eyes, he was well aware of it.

“I’m not giving away secrets of war to a former Jedi apprentice,” he finally said, “but as long as the information isn’t too sensitive, you’ll have it.”

“In that case, I believe we have an agreement.”

She sat on the floor and crossed her legs, closing her eyes as she scanned the base with the Force. This was the kind of thing she’d been training countless of times with Ren. Finding a person in a crowd like this would have been difficult, but little Millicent was probably the only mammal of her size on the entire base. As long as Rey searched the base systematically, finding the cat was only a matter of time.

“Ren had to leave early this morning because of Snoke,” she said, keeping her eyes closed. “When Snoke calls, you all come running. Why is that? He’s powerful, but he’s not a leader. Why do you all follow him so blindly?”

“Ren does.”

“What?”

“Ren follows the Supreme Leader blindly. The rest of us . . . we just follow him.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“Care to focus on finding Millicent?” he snapped.

“I am focusing,” she said truthfully. “You said you’d give me information as long as it wasn’t sensitive. Is the reason why you follow Snoke really that sensitive? Or would you rather tell me about Snoke’s true location, for example? Or maybe why he keeps using a projection in the first place?”

“You’re a haggler through and through, aren’t you?” Hux sighed. “This is what I get from making a deal with a scavenger.”

“You really should have seen it coming.”

“I should have.” She heard him take a seat in the nearest armchair in the suite’s lounge. “The Supreme Leader is what holds the First Order together. Without him, my men, Captain Phasma’s Stormtroopers and Ren’s knights would be at war. Constantly. By following the same, powerful leader, we keep the organization together. I don’t agree with everything the Supreme Leader says and does, especially when he decides to involve some of that Force mumbo-jumbo in important war strategies, but I see the necessity in following his orders. So does Phasma.”

“What about Ren, then?”

Hux snorted. “If the Supreme Leader asked him to jump, Ren would ask, ‘how high?’. If the Supreme Leader asked for your head on a plate, Ren would give it to him without blinking—and then despise himself forever for it. Ren has been brainwashed for decades. Nothing can break the bond between those two. Ren is nothing more than the Supreme Leader’s puppet.”

Rey shuddered, almost losing her concentration. “Ren is more than that. He—”

“He isn’t,” Hux interrupted. “Whatever you’re trying to achieve, little girl, you better give it up before you hurt yourself. You’re not going to change Kylo Ren. He’s just a shadow of what he once were, and shadows can’t be redeemed.”

“There’s still light in him. I’ve felt it. That’s why he keeps fighting the dark. That’s why he keeps having his fits.”

“Your confidence is sweet, but tragically misplaced.” Hux no longer sounded annoyed. Instead, his voice was now coated with pity. “Take a close look at Kylo Ren as he returns from his master. If you remain by his side, that shell of a man is what you yourself will one day become.”

Rey abruptly stood up. “If you’re done talking, I think I’ve found your cat.”

* * *

 

“How well do you trust your apprentice, Kylo Ren?”

Ren knelt on the stone floor, staring up at the misshapen projection of his master. “I trust her more than I trust my own knights, Supreme Leader. She will not betray us.”

The assembly chamber was almost identical to the one back on the Finalizer, with its cave-like walls and damp, chilly air. If he hadn’t known he was on an unfamiliar planet, he would have felt right at home.

Lord Snoke tilted his head to the side, amusement twinkling in his eyes. “You are a lot more certain today than the last time we spoke. What convinced you?”

The memory of Rey, curled up in his bed with her messy, brown curls draped over his pillow, flashed before his eyes. He quickly pushed it away.

“She defeated and killed General Veers’ apprentice in cold blood. She’s one of ours, now. I guarantee it.”

“I hope your faith has been rightly placed, Kylo Ren,” the Supreme Leader’s dull voice continued. “The Resistance is coming for us. They’ve been searching for this convention for quite some time, and soon, they will find us. Our dear little Rey is an asset as long as she’s on our side, but if the Resistance reclaims her, she’s a deadly threat to the First Order. Her continued existence here is temporary at best, and she’s living on borrowed time. When—and I assure you, it’s a question of when—the Resistance finds her, it’s of uttermost importance she makes the right choice. Otherwise, she will have to be terminated, once and for all. Do you understand?”

Ren nodded. “Yes, Supreme Leader.”

He felt like they’d already had this conversation several times before. Rey’s line was on the line again, just like it had been from the moment he acquired her from Jakku. The stakes were higher than ever, but the gist of it all was still the same—if he couldn’t control his apprentice, he was going to have to kill her.

He wasn’t going to kill Rey. That simply wasn’t an option anymore. He wasn’t going to go against the Supreme Leader either. When the Resistance came for Rey, she was going to choose the First Order. She was going to choose _him._

* * *

 

When Ren left the assembly chambers, he almost ran straight into Rey and Hux. He wasn’t particularly surprised over the fact that Rey hadn’t stayed in bed, but he had to admit that it didn’t exactly brighten his mood either. She was wearing black robe, but her face was clear of makeup.  In her arms was the general’s pitiful wretch of a cat. Rey eyed him carefully from head to toe as she petted the cat’s yellow fur.

Hux didn’t look angry, which did surprise Ren. Hux always looked angry. Something about how the two of them were casually walking side by side was strangely alarming.

“I told you to stay in . . . your room.” At the last second, he realized what the comment would have sounded like if he’d said “in my bed” instead, and he just barely managed to make it sound a little less wrong. The filter in his mask distorted the words, making him sound even more annoyed than he’d intended.   

“Something came up.” She glanced at Hux, who gave her a knowing look. Some kind of silent conversation was taking place between the two, and Ren didn’t like it at all. Fury boiled within him. No, he had no idea what was happening right now, but he definitely didn’t like it.

“How was the meeting with Snoke?” she continued.

“You will refer to him as the Supreme Leader,” Ren snarled. “You do not deserve to use his name. You’re alive because of his mercy. Show him respect.”

Rey and Hux shared a look again. The general’s lips twitched, sending her a smug smile. Ren felt like punching him in the face.

Rey looked . . . sad.

“Rey needs to be prepared for the great speech this afternoon. I’m sure you have things you need to prepare as well. Please excuse us.” Ren grabbed Rey’s wrist and pulled her with him toward their suite. He was being too hard on her, he knew that, but only because he had to be. When the Resistance came, she had to know what side she belonged to. _Who_ she belonged to.

Rey didn’t say anything. She only looked sad.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. More action ahead!


	11. Chapter 11

Last night, her plan had seemed so simple. There was obviously light still left in Kylo Ren. All she had to do was bring it out, just like he’d been bringing out the darkness in her over these past couple of months. She was strong. She was _good._ If she really gave it her all, bringing him back to the light side shouldn’t be that hard. Right?

She’d never considered just how strong the bond between Ren and Snoke would be. The Supreme Leader was frightening, mostly because of his overwhelming powers with the Force, but she’d never felt the need to follow his orders. Never. Fear didn’t rule her. It never had, and it never would. That was why she’d never reflected on what Ren truly thought about Snoke. She’d thought Ren was just faking obedience to get around, just like she’d been faking obedience around Unkar Plutt. This clearly wasn’t the case. Ren wasn’t afraid of Snoke. Ren worshipped him.

“Today marks the end of the Republic,” General Hux’ voice boomed from the microphone on the podium in the middle of the room. “Their treacherous little alliance with the Resistance ends here. We will stand together, and we will end them. We will end their futile alliance against the First Order.”

Hux stood with his head held high, taking up way more place than should have been physically possible with his narrow frame. His voice echoed through the conference hall. The First Order allies clung to his every word. This, Rey thought, was a leader. Something about him inspired confidence. If the general hadn’t had the ethical values of a bloodthirsty megalomaniac, he would have been a person she could have followed in a war like this.

Rey stood on the general’s left side, while Kylo Ren guarded his right. They were both fully dressed in black, keeping their lightsabers close at hand. Rey’s face was once again covered in makeup, and on their way to the podium, the First Order allies had referred to her as “Lady Rey”. She was never getting used to that.

The speech ended, and the room erupted in thunderous applause. A faint trace of pride bloomed in her chest. After the whole Millicent episode, she’d had a hard time bringing herself to hate General Hux. He was a man at war, and in his heart, he truly believed the sacrifices he’d made was worth the price. Rey would never agree with him, especially not about the way he’d handled the Starkiller attacks, but she had to admit that he’d just given an amazing speech.  

If a natural leader like General Hux had shared her dreams of peace, things would have been a lot simpler. She could still easily imagine her vision from last night. The First Order and the Republic, to halves of a whole, working together without bloodshed. Her and Ren, working side by side to protect the peace. No more war. No more picking sides. Just peace. Gray peace.

For her vision to come true, she was going to have to get the Supreme Leader out of the picture. Snoke was what kept the First Order on its war-inducing path, mostly by keeping the fractions of the order from turning on each other. Snoke was what kept Ren from the light. The war between the Republic and the First Order, the light side and the dark, would never stop raging until someone defeated the Supreme Leader. Rey was starting to realize that that someone was most likely going to be her. She just wasn’t sure how she was going to pull that off, yet.

The applause grew louder and louder until the entire podium started to vibrate. At first, Rey thought this was a good thing, but she soon got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. The slight fading of Hux’ smile was all the warning Rey got before the world exploded into a million pieces. She tried to throw herself somewhere—at Ren, at Hux, she wasn’t sure—but her body got caught in the blast and slammed into the nearest wall. Excruciating pain blasted from her thighs and the back of her head. She hit the floor hard, and though it was difficult to tell due to the complete chaos surrounding her, she was pretty certain she passed out for a few moments.

When she looked up again, nothing was the same. The podium was nothing but a blackened skeleton. There was fire everywhere. The smoke had already filled the conference hall, creating a nearly impenetrable wall of darkness around the wreck that used to be the podium.

She had to get out of there, but there was something really, really wrong with her legs. She’d never felt pain quite like this before. The bones in her thighs seemed to be broken, and when she scanned the injury with the Force, she found some pretty nasty bleedings as well. She’d dealt with serious injuries before in training, both with Master Luke and Kylo Ren, but this was different. No one was there to back her up he she failed, this time. If she wanted to leave this inferno alive, she was going to have to fix those fractures. Fast. The flames were growing higher by the second, and the smoke kept thickening. She coughed, and flinched as pain exploded from the lower parts of her body. This was bad. Really bad.

A few yards away, she identified Ren’s silhouette standing on his hands and knees, trying hard to get back up on his feet. He’d lost his helmet in the explosion, and judging by the lack of focus in his eyes, he was most likely concussed.

Screams echoed through the hall as parts of the ceiling fell in. A heavy beam of wood crashed into the floor right next to Rey’s left leg, but there was nothing she could do to move away from it. She gasped as a shockwave of heat washed over her, slowing down the healing process even further. Fear surged through her. Time was running out. She wasn’t going to fix this. She was going to get burned alive.

In the middle of her panic, she caught sight of black boots and a greatcoat out of the corner of her eye. As if by a miracle, General Hux looked no worse for wear than when she’d last seen him back up at the podium.

“Why aren’t you healing yourself?” he snarled. “I thought you Force-users were supposed to fix yourself in situations like this.”

Rey tried to give him a snarky reply, but all that left her lips was a pitiful whine.

Hux clenched his jaw, losing his calm composure for a millisecond before raising the façade once more. “I’m only doing this for Millicent. Consider the favor repaid.”

He knelt next to her and placed his arms beneath her armpits. Without further ado, he threw her over his shoulder and stood up. Rey nearly threw up from the pain.  

“The medical bay isn’t that far away,” Hux muttered, walking toward the exit near the former podium. “Just hang on, you absolute waste of space. What good is a Jedi if she can’t even protect herself? Useless, that’s what she is.”

“I’m not . . . going to thank you . . .” Rey croaked.

He snorted. “I wasn’t expecting you to, scavenger scum.”

Rey bottled up her feelings of gratefulness and put her full concentration on the project of healing her legs. She closed her eyes in an attempt to make the world stop spinning, only to find that all it did was make things worse. When she looked up, she noticed a dark, ominous, and somewhat blurry figure following them. She blinked, and then blinked again. Kylo Ren was following them with long, predatory strides. Her heart skipped a beat as his eyes met hers. _Oh, blast._ The gentle man whose arms she’d awoken in earlier that morning was far gone. The madness staring back at her from the depth of those dark eyes belonged to someone completely different. This was the man who’d forcibly healed her wounds back after she’d run into one of his knights, all those weeks ago. This was the man who had the habit of destroying entire ships because of his fury.  

She put all the energy she could spare on healing the worst of her injuries. Hux brought them both out of the burning conference hall and had almost reached the medical bay when his body suddenly froze in place.

“Do not touch what’s mine.”

Ren’s voice was hoarse and dripping with unspoken threats. Rey felt a shudder run through Hux’ body.

“She’s injured,” Hux said, his voice trembling only slightly. “I’m taking her to the nearest healer. Are you really going to have a fit about that?”

“Do _not_ touch what’s mine.” Ren’s reply was nothing less than a feral growl. He pulled his lightsaber and lit up its blade. Rey swallowed hard. At this point, it was useless for Hux to argue with this madman. Ren was too far gone. The only person who could reach him at this stage was her.

“Let me down,” she told Hux.

“You can’t take him on,” he said. “Not like this. It’s a suicide mission.”

“I know what I’m doing.” _Hopefully_. “If you don’t let go of me, he’s going to kill you. That’s how far gone he is right now. I can at least slow him down. Let me down and _go._ ”

She put the slightest hint of the Force on her demand, and Hux finally lowered her to the floor. Her legs hurt like hell, but thankfully, they didn’t buckle under her weight.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Hux said before continuing through the corridor with hurried steps. Rey stood as tall as she could as she faced the quickly approaching Kylo Ren.

His body hit hers like a train. Or maybe a whirlwind. Or something in between. Her back crashed into the wall, and then he was everywhere. His hands buried themselves in her hair, tilting her head back hard. He kissed her exposed throat hard enough to leave bruises before capturing her lips. She couldn’t move. She could barely breathe. Ren was smothering her with his possessiveness, taking everything she could offer and so much more. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t what she wanted. She grabbed his hair and tugged, holding him back.

“You don’t own me,” she panted. “Do you understand me? I’m your apprentice, but I’m not _yours._ There’s a difference.”

Ren pulled back for a moment, his eyes still radiating fury and madness. “You’re mine.”  

“I’m not.” She licked her lips. “We’re equals, you hear me? Equals. That means that if I’m yours, then you’re mine, too.”

He paused for a moment, his eyes filling with understanding. “Yes.”

She blinked. “What?”

“You’re mine, and I’m yours.”

When he kissed her again, things were different. He was no longer trying to possess her, nor fighting a war against her. His kiss was passionate, but it allowed her to give as much as he took. She wasn’t sure what, exactly, had just happened, but she knew her point had gotten through. Ish.

Ren used his handprint to open a door in the corridor, pushing them both inside a small storage room. After having been maneuvered past a couple of shelves, Rey once again found herself with her back pressed against the wall.

“You were hurt.” Ren knelt before her, leaning in close. “He touched you. You were hurt. He touched you.”

There was no logic in his reasoning, but Rey still tried to talk some sense into him. “Hux didn’t hurt me. Hux _helped_ me. I got hurt because of the explosion. Not because of Hux.”

Ren placed his hands on her thighs, and she could feel his healing energy surge through her skin toward the fractured bone. “He touched what’s mine.”

His words were full of anger, but his touch was gentle. Every time he touched her like that, she knew for sure he would never hurt her. Hux had been right about some of the things regarding Ren’s relationship with Snoke, but not all of them. There were some orders this man would never follow, whether he was aware of it himself or not. She knew with absolute certainty that Ren would never hurt her. Not even for Snoke.

Ren moved his large hands upwards in a very non-healing motion. A gasp escaped her lips. He gave her a questioning, almost shy look, as if begging for permission. Last night, she’d been bothered by ghosts of the past, but tonight, she could see past them. She wanted him—not because of the favors the act would give her, but because of a simple, selfish need. She just wanted him. Simple as that. Just like it should be.

As Ren pulled down her pants and finally— _finally_ —put his lips where she’d wanted them the most, she could help but agree with him. She was his. He was hers, and she was his.

* * *

 

“Are you . . . are you okay?”

Rey looked up at Ren. They were lying on the ground of the storage room, covered by Ren’s massive coat. The glass floor was cold against her back, but Ren’s arms were warm around her. Her head rested in the crook of his neck, and her body seemed to fit perfectly against his. He’d finally snapped out of his craze, and was now holding onto her as if she was made of glass. She gave him a shy smile.

“I’m okay.” Her thighs still hurt a little from the fractures, but otherwise, she really was fine. She’d wanted this lunatic of a man for such a long time now, and the satisfaction of it all had already seeped deep into her bones. Who cared if he was under the delusion that she was his? He was _hers._ This crazy powerhouse of fury and might was _hers._

“We need to talk about something,” Ren suddenly said. She tensed up. Nothing good ever started with that sentence.

“About what?”

Ren took a deep breath. “The ones who planted that bomb was most likely the Resistance. They’ve found us—they’ve found you. If they’ve figured out that you’re still alive, they’re going to try to rescue you. They’re going to try to steal you away from the First order—from _me._ ” His arms tightened around her. “If those traitors you call friends approach you and ask you to follow them back to the Resistance, what would you do? Would you follow them?”

For a moment, Rey’s brain stopped functioning. Images of burning bodies and the blackened skeleton of a podium flashed before her eyes. She’d never thought the Resistance had it in them to do such damage. After all, they were supposed to be the good guys. They were supposed to serve the light side.

“Rey?”

She glanced up at him. He was looking at her expectantly, awaiting her answer. She’d always thought the answer to a question like that would have been obvious—that she’d pick the Resistance, no matter what circumstances. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

“I don’t know,” she earnestly said. “I don’t want to pick a side.”

“But what if you had to?”

“Then I still wouldn’t want to pick a side,” she snapped. “I choose my own way of handling things. The Resistance, the First Order—I don’t belong to either side. I belong to myself, and myself alone.” She chewed on her lip. “I don’t expect you to walk this path with me, but I wouldn’t mind it if you came along.”

“You know I can’t,” Ren whispered. “I walk the path of darkness. I follow Supreme Leader Snoke’s command. I’ll abandon that path for no one.”

“You told me you needed me. You told me you were yours. You claim to walk the path of darkness, yet you keep coming back to me. You care about me. You . . . you want me.” She arose on her elbows so that she could look down upon him. “You say you’d never walk the gray path with me, but I can feel the hesitation in you. Whether you chose to accept it or not, your transformation has already begun. We’re changing, Ren, and as long as we still want to stay together, there’s nothing we can do about it. The power of our bond is too strong for either of us to oppose.”

A small smile teased the corner of his mouth. “That was quite some speech, scavenger girl. You’ve been hanging out too much with Hux. In fact, I think you should stop spending time with him altogether. I don’t like the way he looks at you.”

Rey snorted. “He looks at me as if I’m garbage, ruining the smell of his ship by my mere existence. Hux’ only interest is in his own wellbeing. You’re just being jealous, and frankly, it’s kind of silly.”

“Jealousy is an emotion of passion. Someone like you would frown upon it, but for a dark Force-user, it only feeds our power.” He rolled them over, caging her head in between his forearms. “Jealousy is good. It’s _pure._ If Hux ever touches something of mine again, I will end his pitiful little life.

Rey stoically stared up at him, refusing to back down. “Does that mean I get to end anyone who even looks at you? Because we’re still equals, you know. If you get to have jealousy fits, then so do I.”

Ren grinned. “No one looks at me that way—have you seen the mask? There isn’t going to be anyone for you to have a fit over.”  

“There has to be people who looks at you that way. I mean, _I_ . . .” She blushed. “What I’m saying is that if we’re going to do _this_ ,” she pointed at the small area between her and him, “we’re going to do this as equals. I’m not kidding. I don’t belong to anyone but myself, but if you’re going to refer to me as ‘yours’, then you’re going to have to be very damn sure you’re ready to be mine as well.”

Ren snorted and held her tighter. “I’ve been yours from the moment you defeated me in the snow outside of Starkiller base. Everyone knows it. You’re the last person to figure it out.”

Rey wasn’t sure what to say about that, so she kissed him instead. She ran her fingers through his thick hair. Her tongue sneaked past his lips, tasting him. She felt him twitch, fighting to keep in control, but  he still allowed her to set the pace. She loved this. She loved having him right on the edge between madness and control. This was the kind of power only she could wield over him. This part of him was hers and hers alone.

“I’m still not walking the grey path with you,” Ren panted between kisses. “I know who I am. I know what I want. I’ll follow the Supreme Leader, now and forever.”

The words should have been painful to hear, but the insincerity in them only spurred her on. She nipped his earlobe before trailing kissing down his throat, taking no care whatsoever not to leave marks. So what if the world saw that he belonged to her? Let them see.

“I belong to the dark,” Ren said. “Nothing you say or do will ever change that.”

Rey smiled. “We’ll see.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keeping things M-rated for a little while longer. It's getting more difficult every chapter, though. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reunion and a realization.

He could have lost her. One moment, she’d been standing next to Hux, and the next she’d been lying helpless on the ground with two broken legs. Ren himself had been too far away, too out of his mind, to be of any use. If it hadn’t been for the general, Rey would have been lost to the fire. The mere thought of it made Ren want to destroy something. Preferably Hux’ face, paradoxically enough.

“We can’t stay in here forever,” Rey said, leaning against the storage door. “Come on. Let’s go.” Her makeup was gone, and her hair tumbled freely down her shoulders. Her flushed cheeks were bruised and stained with ash and dirt, and her robe was all but destroyed.  She looked about as disheveled as a person could possibly look, yet she still somehow looked perfect. She was beautiful, and she was his.  

He placed his hands on either side of her head and pressed his lips hard against hers. She squirmed slightly, but still kissed him back. They’d reached a point in their relationship where he was, apparently, allowed to cage her against the wall like this and kiss her senseless. She’d accepted him, somehow. After some negotiations, she’d accepted being his.

In the moment, admitting to being hers had felt like the most natural thing in the world. He still didn’t question the truthfulness of the statement, but he was starting to have second thoughts about saying it out loud. He didn’t even want to think about the implications of it, and what it would mean for his partnership with the Supreme Leader. Being passionate was a part of the dark ways, but Lord Snoke still expected control from his underlings. Ren wasn’t sure if he was truly in control of the situation anymore.

“We need to find Hux,” Rey said, placing a hand on his chest to hold him back. “He was most likely the intended target of the bomb. I mean, since our job is to protect him, we should probably be out there with him.”

Ren clenched his jaw. The image of Hux carrying Rey over his shoulder flashed before his eyes. “Right now, I don’t really care.”

“He saved my life. I’m grateful for it, and you should be too.”

“It should have been me.” Ren bent down and burrowed his nose in the crook of her neck. His lips grazed her skin. “I should have been the one to save you.” _Because you’re mine, and I’m yours._

“You were having a fit,” Rey said sharply. “If Hux hadn’t decided to take me with him, I would have burned to death. Since you still haven’t figured out that you don’t belong to the blasted dark side, you had a mental freak-out— _again_ —and were unable to save your only apprentice from certain death. Don’t blame General Hux. If you’re going to blame someone, you’re going to have to blame yourself.” She tilted her head to the side. “Or Snoke. He’s the one who started this madness to begin with.”

Ren stepped away from her as if he’d been burned. “I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Of course you’re not.” She rolled her eyes and opened the door to the corridor. “I’m going to go and find general Hux. Feel free to follow me whenever you decide to use your own brain for a change.”

He followed her through the door, boiling with anger. “You don’t understand. The Supreme Leader is wise. He’s powerful. He—”

“He’s evil reincarnated and would sacrifice you in a heartbeat if he thought it served him.” She paused to raise the hood of her cloak over her head. “If he has a heart, that is. I’m honestly not sure.”

Ren grabbed her arm, pulling her to a stop. “You can’t say that kind of things out loud. If he hears about it—”

“Then what?” She spun around. “He’ll have me killed?”

“He’ll have _me_ kill _you!_ ” he exclaimed.

“You wouldn’t kill me.”

His grip around her arm tightened. “Don’t be so sure.”

She raised her chin in defiance. “You wouldn’t kill me. Not even on his orders. Our bond is stronger than that rotten, manipulative thing you share with Snoke. I’d bet my life on it.”

Suddenly, Ren felt tired. Exhausted. He let go of her arm and continued to walk. “Please, don’t bet your life on it. I’d prefer not to have to bury you.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I can tell you right now that I’d never give in to you without a fight.” She smirked. “I may not have your training, but I know we’re evenly matched nowadays. If you decide to take me down, I’m taking you with me.”  

He wasn’t sure how that made him feel.

After a couple of turns in the corridor, they were joined by two Stormtroopers going in the same direction. Ren pulled the hood of his cloak over his head, feeling strangely naked without his mask. He was going to have to go back to the demolished conference hall sooner or later to get it back.

The quartet walked together toward the medical bay, none of them saying a word. The silence didn’t come as a surprise, considering the fear the Stormtroopers usually radiated in Ren’s presence. This wasn’t the usual kind of silence, though. Something was off.

Ren sent out careful tendrils of the Force, testing the atmosphere. Oh, yes, something was definitely wrong. The soldier to his left kept fiddling with his blaster, and there was something strange about the way the soldier to his right moved.

The group turned around yet another corner, leaving them in an empty corridor. Ren got a bad premonition.

“Rey. I think we should—”

He didn’t get any further. The Stormtroopers spun around, and before he could react, their blasters were fixed on Rey’s head. Rey froze in place, eying the soldiers carefully.

“You’re no ordinary Stormtroopers, are you?” she slowly said.

“And you’re no ordinary knight of Ren,” said the strange Stormtrooper. “Pull off your hood.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re in charge now,” said the nervous one. “We have the blasters. You’ll do as we say because we’re in charge.”

Ren took a deep breath, fighting to keep his anger in check. The Stormtroopers may not know it yet, but the moment they’d pointed their blasters at Rey, they’d pretty much signed their death sentence. “Do not be so sure.”

He gathered the Force and sent the nervous Stormtrooper flying into the wall, but before he could get started on the strange one, the other soldier had already grabbed Rey and pressed the blaster against her chin.

“Take off your hood,” the Stormtrooper said. “Show us your face.”

Rey began to reach for the saberstaff on her back, but stopped before her fingers touched its handle. Her body language changed, becoming less threatening. Ren’s heart pounded in his chest. Why wasn’t she defending herself?

“Who are you?” she asked.

The strange Stormtrooper pressed his blaster harder against her skin. “Take off your hood.”

With slow, careful movements, Rey removed her hood, revealing her face. The Stormtroopers froze in place. Seconds passed with nothing happening. Then, the blasters were suddenly pointed at Ren instead. Bad decision. With Rey’s life being out of danger, Ren no longer had to hold back. He slung both soldiers through the corridor. Their blasters hit the ground hard, falling into pieces all over the floor.

Ren was just about to lift the Stormtroopers by their necks when Rey put her hand on his arm.

“It’s okay. I know them.” She paused. “I think you know them, too.”

Ren dropped the Stormtroopers to the floors. “Reveal yourselves.”

The soldiers finally removed their helmets. Adrenaline surged through Ren’s veins. The strange one turned out to be no one other than the best pilot in the Resistance, and the nervous one . . . Ren pulled out his lightsaber and lit it up.

“Traitor.”

“Man, I knew he was gonna say that,” Finn exclaimed. “We’re going to die. We just found Rey again and now we’re all going to die.”

“No, we’re not,” Poe Dameron said. “Are we, Rey?”

While Finn was looking at Rey like she was the epitome of everything nice in the world, Poe had a more skeptical look on his face. 

“Our intel said there was a new knight of Ren who wasn’t like the other knights. One who was more like an apprentice than a subordinate. A Force user. When the news about your kidnapping reached the Resistance, most people assumed you’d be dead within a week. There was this other faction though, a small group of people who believed you’d turn and become a monster like Ren. And then there was me and Finn. We knew you’d keep fighting. That’s why we’re here. We’ve come to save you.”

Rey cocked an eyebrow and pointed at some of the bruises on her face. “Thanks for that. I especially enjoyed the massive explosion.”

“I’m sorry about that. Finn and I were against the idea, but we were overruled.” Poe pursed his lips. “The Resistance found out about this conference and decided that this would be a stellar opportunity to take out both Kylo Ren and his new apprentice. We didn’t think you’d be anywhere near the explosion because we, you know . . . we fully convinced you’d never side with someone like Kylo Ren.” He eyed her from head to toe, taking in the tattered black cloak. “Rey. I hate to ask you this, but . . . what side are you on?”

“She’s with the Resistance!” Finn slowly got up from the floor. “What else would she be?”

“With me.” Ren stepped closer to them. “Where she belongs.”

Finn scrunched up his face in confusion. “She belongs with _us._ Her friends. Not her blasted kidnapper. You hear? She’s one of _ours_.”

Poe sat up and stared at Rey, running a hand through his hair. “Please, Rey. Tell me you didn’t fall for his crap. Tell me you’re still with us.”

“I . . . I don’t know,” Rey finally said.

“You don’t know? What do you mean, you don’t know?” Finn grabbed her shoulders, nearly lifting her off her feet. “He kidnapped you. He _tortured_ you. He’s a coldblooded murderer. What do you mean, you don’t know?”

“She and I share an unbreakable Force bond,” Ren said, swinging his lightsaber through the air to warm up his wrists. “She’s my apprentice. She belongs with me. Get your hands off her.”

“She belongs with—”

A sudden surge in the Force shut up both Ren and Finn. The air vibrated with power.

“I belong with no one,” Rey growled, clenching her fists. “I’m my own person. I choose my own path. Yes, I’ve been training as Ren’s apprentice. No, I haven’t converted to the First Order. Yes, I usually agree with the Resistance’s views and opinion, but no, I’m not going back there. I’ve learned a lot during my stay here. Judging by that explosion, the Resistance is just as guilty as the First Order in keeping these pointless battles going—do you even know how many civilians there were in there?”

She gave Finn and Poe a pointed stare. Neither of them met her gaze.

“Right now, this entire war is being fabricated by a man known as the Supreme Leader Snoke,” she continued. “He’s the most powerful man in the First Order, and without him, the First Order’s armies would fall apart. He’s the glue that keeps the organization together. Bringing him down is the only way we’ll ever have intergalactic peace again.”

“Then let the Resistance take him down!” Finn grabbed her hands, squeezing them tightly. “With your help, I’m sure we could take down this Snoke person. What are we waiting for? What’s the problem?”

“The problem is that no one in the Resistance is capable of taking on someone like Lord Snoke,” Ren snarled. Seeing Rey’s hands in Finn’s made his sword-hand itch for action. The only reason he hadn’t killed them both already was because of Rey’s former friendship with them. He got the feeling she wouldn’t approve.

“He’s the strongest Force in the galaxy,” he continued. “He could take on the entire Resistance at once and still win. No one can defeat him.”  

“I disagree.” Rey stared at him intently. “Ren. Your powers with the Force are nearly limitless. If you went up against Lord Snoke today, I think you’d actually stand a chance. Then, there’s me. I may not be as physically strong as you are, but Force-wise, we’re more or less equals. If we fought against Lord Snoke together, I think we’d actually have a chance of winning.”

“We’re not fighting Lord Snoke.” Ren took a step back, trying hard to keep his facial expressions in check. He’d never heard Rey speak like this before. Her dislike of Lord Snoke had always been obvious, but he’d never thought she’d plan something like this. What she was suggesting meant going against everything he stood for—everything he’d ever known. He couldn’t do it. Not to the Supreme Leader. If he went against Lord Snoke, he’d never get the guidance he needed to cross over to the dark side. He’d always be in pain.

“So let me get this straight,” Poe said, raising an eyebrow. “While we’ve been worrying like crazy back at the Resistance, you’ve been using your kidnapping as some kind of Force-training boot camp. You’re rebelling from both the First Order and the Resistance, and you want to team up with the Resistance’s arch nemesis to take down a supervillain we haven’t even heard of before. Is that about right?”

Rey nodded.

Poe scratched the back of his head. “Girl, you’re really messing up our rescue mission, here.”

Rey smiled. “I don’t remember asking for a rescue.”  

Ren couldn’t stand the situation for a second longer. He slammed his blade into the nearest wall, sending sparks through the corridor.

“This is what’s going to happen,” he said in a low voice. “This madness ends here. Dameron and the traitor will be taken prisoners. They’re enemies of the First Order, and they’ll be punished accordingly. No one’s taking on Lord Snoke. Not me, not Rey, _no one._ ”

Rey stepped in front of him, raising her saberstaff. She met his gaze without hesitation or fear. “Poe and Finn will leave this planet freely. They’re our allies, and they will not be punished. You and I will take on Lord Snoke. Together.”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Not really, no.” She grinned. “Let’s put it this way—I’m going to give my all to find Lord Snoke. When I do, I’ll fight him, whether you’re there with me or not. Alone, I’d probably last about half a minute. With you by my side, I’d stand a chance. It’s your choice, really. How do you want this to go?”

Ren’s jaw dropped. This was the ultimatum that simply couldn’t happen. Lord Snoke, or Rey? The person who saved him from his family, or the person who kept saving him from himself? She’d put him in an impossible situation with no decent solutions. Allow Snoke to kill her, or help her kill Snoke? Neither was an acceptable option to him.

“I can’t make that kind of decision,” he finally said.

“You can’t make that decision _yet._ I’ll convince you. Just come with me. We’ll figure it out.” She tilted her head to the side. “You’re the one who said we belong together. Well, I’m not going to stay here for much longer, so if you want to be with me, you’re going to have to come with me.”

Ren swore under his breath. He couldn’t come up with a single argument against that. She was right, after all. He wasn’t strong enough to keep her locked away anymore. The decision was simple, really—much simpler than her ultimatum. If she decided to go somewhere, he was going to have to come with her. _Kriff_ , it infuriated him.

“She’s good,” Finn said.

“Scary good,” said Poe.

Ren just stared at her, speechless. She’d won. This infuriating little apprentice of his had won. He would follow her to the end of the galaxy and back, and judging by the smug little smile on her face, she knew it. If he had to betray the First Order to stay by her side, he would. She was holding the reins now, and there was nothing he could do about it. The control was in her hands. Even if he still wasn’t sure if he could ever make a choice between her and Lord Snoke, he’d follow her to the Supreme Leaders true location. He’d follow her anywhere.

He felt the urge to kiss the smug smile off her face, but he managed to fight it off.  She’d won their argument, and she obviously had his loyalty. The two Resistance fighters didn’t have to know she’d won his heart as well.

“Now what?” Poe asked. “Where do we start? There are at least a hundred things that could go wrong from here, and our friend in black here stands for at least ninety nine of them.”

Ren rolled his eyes.

Poe grinned before continuing. “What am saying is, do we have any idea of how we’re going to do this?”

“We need a plan,” Finn said.

Rey nodded. “We need a plan.”  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moving on to the third and final arc of this story. Thanks for all the comments!


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